海边的记忆

吴庆和　译

By Stephanie G.，Jim Thorpe，PA

安徽省蚌埠市五河一中吴庆和 译

My mother has a lot of sayings but there is one that keeps running through my mind：“Time heals all wounds.Remember that，honey，and although its really hard and may seem impossible，your pain will ease.”

I was sitting on the beach，my bare feet dug deep in the warm sand.I looked up and stared at the setting sun.Its reflection in the water was a spectacular sight，a sight that used to make me feel hope and happiness.Now it just brought painful memories and made me wish I could turn back time.

It was eight months ago when he told me the news.

I was struggling with a math problem when my dad knocked quietly on my open door.I looked up and smiled.

“Hi，Daddy，” I greeted him.

“Hi，” he said and put all his weight on one foot，then the other.My dad always did that when something was on his mind.I studied him，trying to read his eyes to see what was troubling him，but he kept his head down.

“Whats wrong，Daddy?”

He smiled，“Youre so perceptive.I could never lie to you.” His smile faded and he walked to my bed，sitting on the corner，and studied me for a moment，wondering if I could handle what he was about to say.

“I received a letter，” he said，taking a deep breath.“You remember I was in the Army when you were really young，right?”

Of course，I remembered.I was six when my father joined the Army.My mother always told me how much she missed him when he was away and I had missed him just as much.He was never home，and it hurt to see my friends with their dads.One of my happiest moments was when he told me he was retiring and would be home all the time.

“Yes，” I said slowly，dreading what I would hear next.

“They say I have to go back.” He saw my expression and quickly added，“But only for a little while.If I stay six more months in Iraq，I can retire for good.”

My head was bowed，looking at my hands clamped together tightly in my lap.I looked up and saw his face and knew I couldnt be mad at him.It wasnt his fault.He looked pained as he waited for my reaction.I hugged him.He held me for a long moment and then studied my face.

“Youre very grown up now，I can tell.Thanks for being so mature and taking this so well.It makes it easier for me，too.”

He left my room and soon，after the most painful good-bye of my life，he was gone.

* * *

Four months later，my mother received a letter，a letter that changed my life forever.She read it over and over，not believing what it said.When she told me，I didnt believe it either.That night，I cried until my chest ached.My father had been stationed in Iraq when a bomb went off in a nearby car.He and three others had been killed.I kept thinking that this never would have happened if he hadnt been called back，but my mother later explained that there was a clause in his contract that said they could call him back if it were necessary.I had seen the news and heard about retired soldiers being called back into action.Some were really upset by the news，others were confused，but my father had taken the news without complaint and gone to Iraq.

* * *

The tide continued rising and the first wave hit my feet.I barely noticed the freezing cold water.I kept thinking that he had had only two months left over there and then he would have been home with us.It wasnt fair.I looked down at a seashell that brought back a lot of memories，memories of him and me at this very spot.

* * *

“Close your eyes and say whats troubling you，”he told me.I did as he said，then threw the shell as far into the ocean as I could.I counted the ripples as they formed.

“There，now that trouble will be gone for good.”

I did feel better.I had had a bad day in second grade.A kid in my class had made fun of me，saying I was short.Whenever something bad happened，my father and I would make our way to the beach and perform our ritual，and you know what，it worked every time.

“My grandfather told my father this secret and my father passed it down to me.Now you can pass it to your children.Whenever you want to forget something，a memory that is just too painful，throw a seashell and your memory will be lost in the ocean.”

* * *

Remembering this，I sprang up，grabbed the seashell，and pulled my arm back to throw it — then stopped.I couldnt throw away memories of my dad.I wouldnt trade those for anything.I just wanted the pain to stop.Then it hit me，as the sun was setting，as the tide was coming up，as my feet were beginning to grow numb — this place didnt bring back bad memories，only good ones.I closed my eyes and thought about the times my dad and I had come here.

I opened my eyes and looked around.The ocean was in front of me，the sun barely visible over the horizon.I looked to my left and then my right and realized I was the only one on the beach.I smelled the salty air，and smiled.It was the first smile since that horrible day.I smiled for the good memories of my dad.That smile stayed glued to my face as I made my way home.

I decided then that whenever I felt lonely or depressed，I would trek the three blocks to the beach，but instead of throwing seashells，I would collect them.I would collect the memories and store them in my mind so they would never be lost.

With the shell still clutched in my hand，I made my way home.When my mother saw me，I was still smiling，still remembering.The next day，she came down to the beach with me to collect seashells as the sun set.As we made our way back，she put her arm around me to give me a quick hug.

This is my favorite place，on the beach，with the setting sun，with the people I love，and a bucketful of memories.

妈妈给了我很多教诲，而有一句总在我脑海萦绕：“亲爱的，你要记住，时间可以让一切伤口愈合。不管景况有时侯是多么得糟糕，希望是多么渺茫，你的伤痛总会减轻的。”

我坐在沙滩上，光着的双脚插在暖暖的沙里。凝望着夕阳，它的余辉映照海面，壮观华美。曾经，这海边夕照让我感到的是希望与幸福；而今，它给我带来的只有悲痛的记忆。我多么希望时光能倒转。

那是八个月前的一天，他跟我说了这个消息。

当时我正在为解一道数学题绞尽脑汁，爸爸轻敲了我开着的房门。我抬头向他笑道：“嘿，老爸。”

“嘿，”他单脚着力站着，一会儿又换另一只脚。我知道，在他心里有事时，他总是这样。我认真地看着他，试图从他的眼神中发现什么，但他老是不抬头。

“怎么啦，老爸?”

“你真是个机灵鬼，我总瞒不过你。”他笑道。接着他的笑容隐去，走到我的床边，坐在拐角处。他注视着我，好像在揣测我能不能承受他要说的话。

“我收到一封信，”他深深地吸了口气说道。“我在军队服役时你还很小，记得吗?“

我当然记得。爸爸去服役那年，我六岁。那时，妈妈总说他多么思念爸爸，而我也一样想爸爸。但总盼不到他的归来，每每看到其他小朋友跟爸爸在一起，我就难过。我一生中最快乐的时刻就是他告诉我，他要退役回家，将永远和我们在一起。

“是的，记得，”我慢慢地答到，害怕接下来他会再说什么。

“他们说我得回部队，”看到我的表情时，他赶快补充说道，“不会去很长时间的，要是在伊拉克呆满六个月，我就可以永远退役，安枕无忧了。”

我低下头，双手紧搓着放在腿间。抬眼望着爸爸，但我知道这不能怪他，我不能向他发脾气。他等待着我的反应，表情很痛苦。我拥抱着他。他紧紧地抱着我，好长一段时间才松开。他注视着我的脸。

“你真的长大了，成熟多了，能承受这一切。这样，我也会好过一些。”

他走出我的房间。很快，在那最痛苦的道别之后，他走了。

* * *

四个月后，妈妈收到一封信——一封永远改变了我的命运的信。她不敢相信自己的眼睛，一遍又一遍地读着。我也不信那会是事实。那一夜，我哭了很久，哭到胸口发痛。信上说，我爸爸的部队驻扎在伊拉克某地，附近一辆汽车炸弹爆炸，我爸爸和另外三名士兵在爆炸中丧生。我一直在想着，要是当初他没有被召回，这一切就不会发生了。但后来妈妈说，在当初的入伍合同中有一个条款规定，在必要时他们可以召回他。我也看过新闻，并听说过老兵被召回参加军事行动的消息。得到消息时，有的气恼沮丧，有的困惑不解，而我爸爸却毫无怨言，并随后去了伊拉克。

* * *

潮水继续上涌，第一个浪打到我的脚上，而我并没有感觉到那冰冷的海水。我痴痴地想着，还有两个月，爸爸就能回家和我们在一起了。老天真是太不公平了。我低下头，看到一个海贝，它令我想起许多往事，那些我与爸爸在这海边的往事。

* * *

“闭上眼睛并说出你的烦恼，”他对我说。我照他说的做了。他又说，把海贝扔向大海，越远越好。海贝飞出去，我数着激起的波纹。

“看，烦恼都被扔到那儿啦。”

我确实感觉好多了。那时，二年级的我的确有过烦恼的一天。我班上一个家伙取笑我，说我是个矮瓜。不管遇到什么不幸的事，我和爸爸都会去沙滩，去丢海贝，而且每次都很灵验。

“我的祖父跟我的爸爸讲了这个秘密，我的爸爸又把秘密传给了我。以后你可以把它再传给你的孩子们。无论什么时候，当你想忘记什么，只要扔一个海贝，那你的不愉快的记忆就会消失在大海里，因为那样的记忆太令人痛苦了。”

* * *

想到这，我奋起身抓起海贝，扬起手——但我的手停住了。我不能把我对爸爸的记忆扔掉。任何东西都不能换取我对爸爸的记忆。我只想不再悲痛，而悲痛却向我袭来。当太阳西沉，海潮上涌，我的脚开始麻木时，我想，这里没有悲伤往事，只有快乐的回忆。我闭上眼，回想着我与爸爸来这儿的时光。

睁开眼，环顾四周，大海浩瀚无边，夕阳已快消失在海平线以下了。我左右看了看，发现只我一人在海滩上。海风扑面，带着咸咸的味道，我笑了。 那噩耗之后的第一次笑。 我笑着，想着与爸爸一起的美好往事。当我朝家走时，我的笑还一直粘在脸上。

从那时起，我决定当我孤独或是沮丧时，我就要走过三个街区，到海边——不是去丢海贝，而是去捡拾它们。我要收集它们，把它们储存在脑海，这样，它们将永远不会丢失了。

手里攥着海贝，我朝家的方向走着。当妈妈看到我时，我依然笑着，依然在记忆着。第二天，当太阳西沉时，她与我一起去沙滩捡海贝。当我们准备回家时，她迅速地拥抱了我一下。

夕阳映照下的沙滩，是我喜欢的地方，晚霞斜阳里有我所爱的人和海边的记忆。★