为三种激情而活

李向娜

Three passions，simple but overwhelmingly strong，have governed my life：the longing for love，the search for knowledge，and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind.These passions，like great winds，have blown me hither and thither，in a wayward course over a deep ocean of anguish，reaching to the very verge of despair.I have sought love，first，because it brings ecstasy — ecstasy so great that I would often have sacrificed all the rest of my life for a few hours for this joy.I have sought it，next，because it relieves loneliness — that terrible loneliness in which one shivering consciousness looks over the rim of the world into the cold unfathomable lifeless abyss.I have sought it，finally，because in the union of love I have seen，in a mystic miniature，the prefiguring vision of the heaven that saints and poets have imagined.This is what I sought，and though it might seem too good for human life，this is what—at last—I have found.

With equal passion I have sought knowledge.I have wished to understand the hearts of men.I have wished to know why the stars shine…A little of this，but not much，I have achieved.

Love and knowledge，so far as they were possible，led upward toward the heavens.But always pity brought me back to earth.Echoes of cries of pain reverberate in my heart.Children in famine，victims tortured by oppressors，helpless old people a hated burden to their sons，and the whole world of loneliness，poverty，and pain make a mockery of what human life should be.I long to alleviate the evil but I cannot，and I too suffer.This has been my life.I have found it worth living，and would gladly live it again if the chance were offered me.

三种简单却极其强烈的激情支配着我的生活：对爱的渴望、对知识的求索以及对人类苦难无法抑制的怜悯。这三种激情如烈风一般肆意吹打着我，吹过痛苦的深海，到达绝望的边缘。我寻求爱，首先因为它能带来极至的喜悦——这情感如此美妙以至于我愿牺牲余生来换取几个小时的这种欢愉。我寻求爱，其次是因为它能缓解孤寂——那种可怕的孤寂，它让人用颤栗的思想审视世界，翻过世界的边缘，陷入冰冷死寂的无底深渊。我寻求爱，最后还因为，在爱的结合中，我看到了圣人和诗人设想和预见的神秘的缩微图景。这就是我所寻求的，尽管这对人类来说可能太过美好，但这就是我——最终的——发现。

我带着同样的激情追求知识。我渴望理解人类的心灵。我渴望知道为什么群星会闪烁……我已经弄清了这些问题中的一点，但是不多。

只要可能，爱和知识可以引领我们登入天堂。但怜悯之情总把我带回现实。 痛苦的哭喊回响在我心中。饥荒中的孩子、受压迫者蹂躏的生灵、被儿子视为可恨的包袱的无助老人，还有整个世界的孤独、贫穷和痛苦都在嘲弄着人类生活本该有的状态。我盼望减轻罪恶，但我无能为力，而且我也在其中煎熬。这就是我的生活。我觉得这生活是值得过活的，而且如果有机会，我会高高兴兴地再活一世。★