舞文弄墨

2009-06-01 09:27
双语时代 2009年5期
关键词:发邮件版块双语

上期主题:Shanghai Impressions

你去过么?你爱上她了么?上海,让很多人流连忘返,乐此不归的城市,给你的印象是什么?来《舞文弄墨》说说属于你的上海吧……

大连理工大学 Ivy

Bonjour, Shanghai

A beat in the sun

The first time I got on the subway of Shanghai, line 3 took me away like an arrow shot into the air. Lofty modern buildings, wining car flows and rising horns make a vivid animation film on transparent windows. The idea that I was in Shanghai suddenly occurred to me and I smiled, for the vitality and liberality of Shanghai.

A tropical fish in the sea

Whenever the night flights on the roof of highest skyscrapers in the city, I can't help opening my curious eyes and immersing again in the sea of dazzling light. Like a small tropical fish I delightedly sway my tail and wander in various luminous coral reefs, appreciating the historical yet refreshing beauty that only belongs to Night Shanghai.

A leaf against the wind

No one will neglect the nervous look on the pasty faces of people living in the city. Tensive life has loaded Shanghainese with irremovable pressure and forced them to face cruelty of ubiquitous competition in daily life and working fields. Shanghai or the money behind it is such a huge temptation that everyday crowds of people stand on the subway station platform, like leaves sticking to bough against the wind. Shanghai or the money behind it is such a huge temptation that everyday crowds of people stand on the subway station platform, ready to run for life, just like leaves sticking to a bough against the wind.

This is Shanghai, to which I will always murmur in my heart: Bonjour, Shanghai.

外编点评:写得很生动,但是偶尔有些比喻让人很疑惑,如“a vivid animation film on transparent windows”表达不清,应该写做like a cartoon projected against the windows of the subway(像放映在轻轨车窗上的动画片)。Liberality一词使用不当,用liberation或freedom(自由)会更好。“Tensive life”也应写做the tension of life(生活的压力)。第二段中immerse需要加宾语,改为immersing myself in the sea of dazzling light。第三段选中neglect很奇怪,如果想表达“没有注意到”,最好选用miss一词。“为生活奔波”应写做run for one's life,改为run for their lives。另外此句句首应用逗号断开,调整为Shanghai, or the money behind it, is such …。

上海海事大学 胡玲玲

Shanghai Impression

It is not a bit exaggerated to say that Shanghai is to China what a resplendent diamond is to a crown. So gorgeous it is that in front of it all complimentary words fade their might. Two and a half years ago, when I came to Shanghai for the first time in my life, I fell for her hopelessly. She is a model that perfectly combines the accumulation throughout history and modern advancement. Standing at the west bank of the Huangpu River, which is nicknamed as Puxi, those quaint buildings remind me of the old Shanghai in last century – the lively nightlife, the famous movie star Zhouxuan and Bai Liusu and Fan Liuyuan in the writings of Eileen Chang. While the old alleys belong exclusively to Shanghai best embody the city's characteristics. Time slows down once I step into them. Sauntering, watching the simple tenements and hearing the seniors' talking in Shanghai's soft and delicate dialect, I see another Shanghai, which is thoroughly different from its modern and advanced aspect. And such leisurely and serene life constitutes the eternal complex in people's inner world. Pudong, most well-known for Lu Jiazui CBD, is more modern than Puxi. As one of China's most significant financial center, the development of the bygone village in recent decades is eye-catching. The fast tempo of life demonstrates Shanghai's vigor and it tells that it is a city full of challenges and opportunities. The forthcoming Expo is an once-in-a-lifetime occasion for Shanghai to show the world its glories and sophistication. Breathtakingly beautiful and terrifically developed, Shanghai can satisfy the most fastidious people. So, I just want to say, "if you are tired of Shanghai, you must be tired of life."

外编点评:写得很不错,尤其是对特定地区和城市标志的描述。作文第二句混淆了两个短语,说成fade away或者lose their weight(减弱、失去力度)。“Accumulation throughout history”使用不当,可以说成historical memories或者the remains of history(历史记忆、遗迹)。此外,一般直接说nickname,而不是“nickname as”,如He's nicknamed Buck(他的昵称是巴克)。“The old alleys belong”应该写为the old alleys belonging,并且由于此句以“while”开头,句子不完整,应导出其它相关内容,如While the old alleys belonging exclusively to Shanghai best embody the city's characteristics, the new buildings reflect modernity. 也可将while从句放在句尾。一般saunter(散步、闲逛)不单独使用,后接through/in/around等词。最后,tell需要接宾语,可改为tell us。

下期主题:My Lovely Pet

宠物在现代人的生活中扮演着越来越重要的角色,忠诚憨厚的狗狗、活泼可爱的猫猫……许多人将宠物视为家庭一员,甚至精神寄托。宠物与我们朝夕相伴,带来无限的快乐,也有数不完的趣事。你的宠物又有哪些“轶事”,养宠物的过程中你又学到了什么?马上来《舞文弄墨》书写你可爱的宠物!

字数要求:200字-300字

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