留学文书写作方法之展现对西方社会的了解

谷约

在写留学文书时，申请者切忌一味突出自己的考试成绩有多好和分数有多高。比如，有的申请者就写道：“我去年考试得了B，我非常伤心和惭愧，今年我发奋努力考了A，我的读书成绩是非常优秀的。”这样的内容在留学文书中其实没有多大价值，因为“成绩优异”是中国特色，但是英美大学的招生官希望看到的不仅仅是申请者的成绩，更希望看到申请者的“个性”。所谓“个性”，可以理解为申请者自己独特的经历、对某个问题的看法、特长、兴趣爱好等。在本栏目的每一期文章里，笔者都介绍了一种写作角度或手段，来帮助申请者写出有“个性”和“与众不同”的申请文书。

在上一期里，我们讨论了如何在留学申请文书中展现具有“中国特色”的内容，来引起招生官的兴趣。本期我们换一个角度，说一说怎样在留学文书中展现申请者对西方社会，尤其是英美国家的了解。这不仅可以帮助招生官更好地了解申请者的想法与留学动机，还能体现出申请者见多识广、思想活跃的一面。英语里有句谚语叫“When in Rome， do as the Romans do”（入乡随俗）。在写申请美国大学的留学文书时，申请者一样可以do as the Americans do。具体而言，申请者可以在文书中谈论美国的人物、历史、文化、典故、语言等。但这样一来，话题就显得太宽泛，而且如果申请者没有一定的积累，很可能会写得没有深度，反而弄巧成拙。因此，笔者推荐一个比较可行的方案：把自己的专业和最近的国际新闻巧妙结合起来。比如学航空航天专业的申请者可以结合最近发生的马航客机失联事件，谈一谈自己希望在专业上更进一步，研发出更为可靠的实时定位技术或者追踪手段。这样就可以打破“两耳不闻窗外事，一心只读圣贤书”的书呆子形象，既表达了申请者的专业诉求，又突出了对时事或者社会的关心。

实例讲解

下面笔者就结合实际案例具体讲解如何在文书中把自己的专业和时事结合起来。

文书案例1

某学生申请去美国读自动化和控制系统方向的工程硕士。当时正好发生了一件事：美国空军一架X-51A“乘波者”高超音速无人机在试飞期间因控制翼发生故障，在太平洋上空坠毁。这条新闻中美两国媒体都报道过，又和申请者的专业相关，于是我们建议其在文书中以这一事件引入，说明自己在实验、设计项目、自动化竞赛中也有失败的经历，但这些经历让人成熟，并能让人学会如何从跌倒的地方爬起来。下面我们来看具体例文。

The breaking news I heard today， even as I am writing， is that a hypersonic （高超音速的） aircraft launched by the American Air Force spiraled out of control and was destroyed before it could reach its goal of speeding to 4，600 mph. It was reported that faulty cruiser control fins （翼） were determined to be the cause of the failure. I personally do not see this type of event as failure. On the contrary， I see the pioneering spirit of American scientists and engineers as well as their ingenuity. I realize that scientific experimentation is not always going to be smooth sailing； we make progress by learning from mistakes and by daring to go to where no humans have gone before.

评析：这一段表达的是“我”对美国科学家的创新和探索精神的敬佩，从而表现出“我”对科研精神的理解，是“我”自己的思考和观点。这比罗列自己的“丰功伟绩”要高明很多，而且显得有深度。

文书案例2

某学生想申请去美国大学读食品专业，他希望在文书中表达自己对食物的热爱，认为食品科学是科学也是艺术。于是，我们建议他可以增加一些比较有价值的细节信息，比如他以前经常到小贩那儿吃烤肉串，但后来不吃了，因为他了解到烧烤的肉串含有有害成分。另外，申请者从报纸杂志上看到一个英国摄影师发明的食物风景画（Foodscapes）独具匠心，这位摄影师通过自己拍摄的风景画把普通的食物上升到了艺术的高度。这些小插曲可以用来证明申请者确实对中外食物的方方面面了解颇多。请看下面两段例文。

I am not a picky eater. I love all kinds of food. To me， food is not just a necessity； it is something to be enjoyed. In fact I used to enjoy it so much that I ate rather indiscriminately， including barbecue satay （烤肉串） from street hawkers， something I later learned to avoid because of its carcinogenic （致癌的） substances.

My fascination with food as well as food nutrition is based on my feeling that they are as much a science as they are an art. I am intrigued by the brilliant colors of the various natural ingredients and the varied shapes and flavors presented when they are prepared in different ways. British photographer Carl Warner even created an art form called “Foodscapes，” which employs different kinds of food to compose pictures. It is even more amazing that when different ingredients are mixed together， almost magical effects， like mutual reinforcement and counteractions， create new flavors that are wholly separate from their constituent （构成的） parts. Through the application of science， we can now increase the absorption of certain foods into the body and thereby improve its associated health benefits.

评析：例文中申请者提到了对烤肉串危害的认识，并增加了对英国摄影师Carl Warner的食物风景画的描述，这使得文书的题材新颖有趣。如此一来，不仅丰富了文章内容，提高了其可读性，同时也展现了申请者对中外饮食文化的了解，可谓“一举三得”。

文书案例3

有一位女同学本科读的是钢铁材料专业，选择读该专业的女生很少，所以她的同学绝大多数是男生。在她准备申请文书时，美国前国务卿赖斯破天荒成为美国南部一个非常保守的高尔夫俱乐部的女性会员。于是，我们建议这位女生在文书中加入这段新闻来表达自己“巾帼不让须眉”的自信。另外，她在文书中想写自己在某钢铁厂的实习经历，但是文章里有许多专业词汇和术语，比如铸锭（ingot casting）。因此，我们建议她拿炼钢和烹饪进行类比，从而使文章更为形象生动。这样一来，就避免了把个人陈述（PS）写成专业论文。同时，在描写烹饪的内容时，申请者提到了一档世界知名的日本电视烹饪节目Iron Chef，这样也能引起招生官的注意。

A recent piece of news coming out of America caught my attention： Condoleezza Rice， the former US Secretary of State， has become one of the first female members to be admitted to the Augusta National Golf Club， the home of the Masters tournament， which had， until about a month ago， excluded women throughout its 80-year history. I have read about Rices background and her rise to fame in so many areas ranging from sports to music to academics， not to mention politics and international affairs. She has proven again and again the Russian proverb “Women can do everything； men can do the rest” and the Chinese saying “Women can hold up half of the sky.”

I cannot picture myself playing golf， nor do I intend to， because， while I like sports in general， I am not athletically inclined. However， like Rice， I am not unfamiliar with what historically has been considered to be mens territory. I am a material-formation and control-engineering student， and my area of interest has been in microcosmic mechanisms of steel and other alloy （合金） materials. Although I am not the only female student in my class， I do get noticed， just as the other girls get noticed too， because we are definitely in the minority. Sometimes people ask me why I am not in one of the liberal arts programs such as literature， or why I dont train myself to become a nurse. On some rare occasions， people even venture to ask， tongue-in-cheek （半开玩笑的） of course， “Why dont you just marry a successful engineer ... Certainly it is easier than becoming one yourself， isnt it？”

评析：这两段描写除了引入了美国文化元素之外，还加入了俄罗斯和中国的谚语，并且和自己的个人情况完美结合，毫无“违和感”。这不仅展现了申请者的自信和幽默，同时也反映了她的涉猎广博、与时俱进。

During my internship in my junior year at XX Iron and Steel Works， I gained practical experience in ingot casting， foundry （铸造） techniques， blast furnace （高炉） extraction， and electrolytic （电解的） extraction. As I learned the intricacies of removing impurities （杂质） such as sulfur （硫黄）， phosphorus （磷） and excess carbon from raw iron and adding alloying elements such as manganese （锰）， nickel （镍）， chromium （铬） and vanadium （钒） to create the desired properties， I constantly drew the analogy between cooking and steelmaking： we can make primary and secondary and HIsarna steelmaking processes （一种炼钢方法） more interesting in very much the same way we try to spice up our cooking recipes with all kinds of ingredients； certainly we can fine-tune （微调） the heating and cooling processes just as we monitor our cooking temperature for the desired result. I thought steelmaking is eminently suited to women. Which is not to say it is not suited to men. I am not suggesting or trying to stereotype women as fine cooks in the kitchen； in fact， some of the best cooks I have seen on Iron Chef competitions are men. What I am saying is that even steelmaking calls for creativity. And when it comes to creativity， women have much to bring to the table.

评析：本段申请者在炼铁和烹饪之间找到共同点，将两者进行形象的类比，可体现出她思维活跃，知识面广，不是死读书的类型。文章提到的Iron Chef节目在美国也有众多粉丝，这再一次在文化上让招生官产生共鸣。

Let me be clear， I am not a feminist in the sense that I do not believe in picking fights or outsmarting men； I am a feminist only in the sense that I object to the notion that women cannot and should not be in the scientific and engineering fields just as Condoleezza Rice objects to the notion that golf is a mens sport only. Both the United States and China have made significant strides in providing equal opportunity for women. The differences are not very great in this area. For me， as an aspiring material scientist， the differences lie in the American tradition of excellence and level of development in materials science research. There， extensive availability and use of sophisticated， state-of-the-art equipment provide students and researchers the tools necessary for high-resolution examination of compositions， structures and defects of materials. I am naturally drawn to intellectually challenging environments where the worlds best and brightest men and women congregate to compare notes， to explore and drive the creation of new products and even new industries and lead in the advancement of science and technology.

评析：在前文展现“我”巾帼不让须眉的风采后，结尾段进行了合理的让步，表明“我”不会主动去和男性较劲或斗狠，而只是认为没有哪个领域是男性专属的，反映出了申请者客观、辩证的思维。之后，文章通过对中美两国在男女平等方面的进步进行比较，自然地引出自己的留学动机（和来自世界各地的最优秀的人才一起研发新产品，并引领科技进步），进一步升华了主题。