硬核解读，深度续写

广东 彭 英

【问题导读】

读后续写是一种把阅读和写作相结合的题型。阅读是写作的起点，写作是对阅读的升华。学生在续写过程中出现的问题主要表现为情节设置不合理、与原文的语言风格不协调、续写语篇缺乏连贯性、主题意义升华牵强等。 出现上述问题的关键在于学生缺乏对所给语篇的深度解读，从而导致续写质量偏低。 那么，在阅读所给材料的过程中，学生要如何来解读文本，从而有效续写呢？

【名师导学】

1. 侧重对故事情节的解读。读后续写的体裁一般为记叙文，并在叙述的过程中穿插使用议论的表达方式， 这要求学生在阅读的过程中利用阅读技巧把握原文故事的主旨大意和基本要素。梳理关键信息，从内容层面弄清楚文章的题材、中心人物、主要故事、发展线索、主旨大意等，即解答5W1H（Who、What、When、Where、Why、How）的问题，并紧扣所给的两个段首句进行续写。

2. 侧重对主题意义的解读。 读后续写的故事情节一般分为两条线：明线，即故事的开端、发展、高潮、结局；暗线，即故事角色的情感线。学生应通过对文章明线的探究过渡到情感层面，领悟原文作者的写作态度和情感价值观，把握文章的感情基调，在续写结尾时进行总结回扣，呼应原文主题。

3. 侧重对语言风格的解读。从语言层面感知语篇的语言形式与特点，揣摩原文如何运用准确又丰富的词汇（以动词、形容词、副词、介词短语为主）、修辞、句式等描写人物的动作、心理等，并通过生动的描写走进人物的内心世界，感受故事的情境，在续写中尽量与原文在语言风格方面保持一致。

4. 侧重对行文逻辑和写作技能的解读。 从结构、话题、措辞等维度对所给文本进行解读、模仿、创作，并将佳句、衔接关联词等进行系统分类，建立微型语料库，积累写作素材。

【案例导引】

The small plane buzzed high above the fields. Adam glanced at his father Bob in the pilot's seat, frowning. Bob had been unusually quiet on this trip, who would normally thrill Adam with several stomach-churning (搅动) loops. But after take-off, all they had done was follow the coastline.

Not much fun today, thought Adam. Then, without warning, Father was turning back.When Adam asked why, his father murmured something about not feeling well. Adam was worried, feeling his father was hiding something. “I'm okay,” his father grinned. “I'm just being careful.”

Trying not to look disappointed at the short flight, Adam peered out of the side window. Far below, Adam could see the white spots of sheep and the red roofs of homes. He loved them up here in the sky, and his father would take him up at least once a week, on Saturday. He was the envy of all his school friends.

Suddenly his father banged his head onto the lever. Shocked, Adam shook his shoulder. “Dad?” Adam shook him harder but he gave no response. His eyes were closed. His face was ash-grey, sweat streaming down his cheeks.

A flood of fear swept over Adam. No one was flying the plane! Quickly, Adam grabbed at the lever, shouting, “Dad! Wake up, Dad! ”

His father didn't answer. Keeping the lever steady, Adam looked at the altimeter (高度表), and they were 3,000 feet above sea level but dropping steadily. He realized that if his father didn't wake up, he would have to fly the plane and land it!

Suddenly, he saw the radio, excitement written on his face. He pressed the button and yelled into the microphone, “Mayday! Mayday! Mayday! This is an emergency.Answer me! Answer me! ” A man was talking but Adam couldn't hear what he was saying. Annoyed, he threw the headset (耳机) onto the floor. The plane was still dropping, and he was close to tears, “Dad, please wake up.” As if he had heard Adam's plea(请求), Bob opened his eyes. “What's happening?”

Adam felt a surge of relief. He shouted, “We're about to land. You have to take the controls.” Bob tried to take the lever from Adam, but failed. “I can't, Adam. My head is spinning and you'll have to land it,” said Bob. With these words, he fainted again.

注意：

1. 所续写短文的词数应为150左右；

2. 续写部分分为两段，每段的开头语已为你写好。

Paragraph 1:

Adam felt fear creep over him again.______________________________________

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Paragraph 2:

He looked at his father, finding a little color had returned to his father's cheeks.__

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一、原文故事的语篇要素

Who Adam and his father Bob What Father took him out on a trip.When On Saturday Where On a small plane in the sky Why Father fainted while driving the plane.How Adam managed to land the plane.

二、原文故事的情节发展脉络

三、原文故事的语言风格

1. 对比的应用

Bob had been unusually quiet on this trip, who would normally thrill Adam with several stomach-churning loops. But after take-off, all they had done was follow the coastline. 鲍勃一路上都一反常态的安静，平常他都会俯冲几圈，让亚当激动得胃里直翻腾，但是今天自起飞后，他们只是沿着海岸线飞行。

往常，父亲会俯冲几圈使亚当兴奋，但今天父亲只是沿着海岸线飞行，显得异常安静，主人公亚当便隐约感觉到了父亲的异常，这为接下来故事情节的发展埋下了伏笔。

2. 现在分词的使用

Trying not to look disappointed at the short flight,Adam peered out of the side window.亚当尽量不表现出对这次短暂飞行的失望，于是他透过侧窗看外面的景色。

Trying这个词传递出亚当有着同龄人少有的懂事、顾大局的品质，尽管不开心，但他还是尊重父亲的选择，这为下文他表现出来的非同寻常的担当与果敢做好了铺垫。

3. 心理、动作等细节描写的使用

文章多处通过心理、动作等细节描写来刻画人物形象、交代背景知识和表达人物内心活动，这使得读者仿若身临其境。 例如：

（1） Shocked, Adam shook his shoulder. 亚当吓坏了，他摇了摇父亲的肩膀。

Shocked表现了亚当在父亲昏迷后无人掌控飞机时的恐惧。

（2） His eyes were closed. His face was ash-grey, sweat streaming down his cheeks.他双目紧闭，面如死灰，汗珠从脸颊上流下来。

此处通过近距离的细节描写表现了父亲的极度不适。

（3） He realized that if his father didn't wake up, he would have to fly the plane and land it! 他意识到，如果父亲不能苏醒过来，他得操控飞机并让它着陆。

这段心理旁白表明主人公对形势的明确分析，have to表达了他只能接受临时任务的无奈和他在危急关头表现出来的责任与担当。

（4） Suddenly, he saw the radio, excitement written on his face. He pressed the button and yelled into the microphone... 突然，他看到无线电收发报机，他的脸上写满了激动。 他按下按钮，然后朝着麦克风大喊……

written和yelled传递了亚当在无助的时候突然看到希望的兴奋和激动。

（5） Annoyed, he threw the headset onto the floor. 他恼怒地把耳机扔到地板上。threw表达了亚当在看到希望又变为失望时的恼怒。

四、续写故事的设计与语言运用

续写第一段所给的段首句是“Adam felt fear creep over him again.”。 根据前文和段首句中的fear与again可知，本段要重点描述亚当在危急时刻的动作和心理活动，在情节发展和语言风格上都应与原文一致。因此，结合原文故事的情节发展和两个段首句，亚当的心理变化为fearful—nervous/helpless—terrified—trying to calm down—relieved。动作描写可使用shout、race、tremble、go blank、squeeze、concentrate、take a deep breath、push、stamp、sink、sweat等。 一连串动词形象生动地表达了亚当的心理变化过程：临危受命时的恐惧—努力让自己镇定下来进行操作的紧张—飞机安全着陆后的如释重负和心有余悸。在他和父亲的命运掌握在自己手上的危急关头，亚当将全部注意力都放在如何想办法让飞机平稳降落上，无暇观察旁边的父亲。 当飞机安全着陆了，他才注意到父亲的脸又恢复了血色，因此，第一段的结尾部分在情节和情感上应设置为“The plane slowed and touched down. He sank back into his seat with palms sweating and legs shaking uncontrollably.”，这就自然流畅地衔接了下一段首句“He looked at his father,finding a little color had returned to his father's cheeks.”。

第二段的段首句是“He looked at his father, finding a little color had returned to his father's cheeks.”。 根据文章的整个基调可推知， 结局应该是圆满的。 a little color had returned与上文父亲昏迷时的His face was ash-grey形成对比， 暗示着父亲苏醒过来。 接下来会发生什么呢？ 回看原文中的“A man was talking but Adam couldn't hear what he was saying.”。这里向读者传递了一个信息：救援中心应该接收了到求救信号，只是由于飞机所处的位置，亚当无法接收信息。 基于以上信息，续写情节设计为Father came to life—firefighters and doctors came—Adam and his father was rescued—Adam was praised and proud。 回扣原文主题：青少年应有的果敢、责任和担当。

【参考范文】

Paragraph 1:

A dam felt fear creep over him again. “I can't! ” he shouted. This was something he had long wished for, but not like this. Not in an emergency. His heart raced, hands trembling on the lever. His mind went blank. He squeezed his eyes shut. “Don't panick,” he told himself. “Concentrate. You know how to land a plane. You've seen it done hundreds of times before. Go over the steps.” Taking a deep breath, Adam pushed the lever forward and stamped harder on the pedals. The plane slowed and touched down. He sank back into his seat with palms sweating and legs shaking uncontrollably.

Paragraph 2:

He looked at his father, finding a little color had returned to his father's cheeks.Adam leaned over and unfastened his safety belt. His father's eyes shone in surprise.“The engine's stopped. Are we down?” Adam nodded. His father smiled weakly, saying“Well done, Adam... I knew you could do it.” Then the door was forced open and his father was lifted into the back of the ambulance by the rescuers, of whom a firefighter put an arm around his shoulder, “You're a brave boy. Had it not been for you keeping cool and landing the plane, it would have been a pretty nasty crash-landing.” Adam smiled,his eyes sparkling with pride.

【模拟导练】

阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。

Sam was getting ready to graduate from college. For many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer's showroom, and knowing his father could well afford it,he told his father that was all he wanted.

As his graduation day approached, Sam eagerly anticipated that his father had purchased the car. Finally, on the morning of his graduation, his father called him to the study, telling him how proud he was to have such a talented son and how much he loved him. He handed his son a beautifully wrapped box. Curious, but somewhat disappointed,Sam opened the box, only to find a delicate leather-bound book with Sam's name carved in gold. Angrily, he raised his voice, “With all your money you give me such a book?”He then stormed out of the house, throwing the book onto the floor.

The anger and grievance in his heart almost drowned him, and he kept running as if running could make a difference. When he stopped, he realized that he had come to the secret place of his childhood—an old park.

It was getting dark. He looked at his watch and noticed he had been walking outside for an hour. He, still annoyed with his father about not satisfying his needs, planned to spend the night in the park. He lay on the bench with a cloud of gloom over his face.Exhausted from the day's chores, he became drowsy and dozed off, covering himself with an overcoat and quickly falling asleep beneath the stars. He had a dream that he walked on a foggy road where he was attracted by the flash of a scene. It was a baby-born scene,and soon he saw his family! He realized that it was him! He watched the little baby grow up and watched his father take care of him and accompany him until he graduated.He saw his own ignorance, the efforts of his family and his father's hard work. Looking back, he was so ashamed that he didn't live up to his father's expectations. All of a sudden, everything around disappeared into a smoky blue haze and only the book twinkled in the sun.

注意：

1. 所续写短文的词数应为150左右；

2. 续写部分分为两段，每段的开头语已为你写好。

Paragraph 1:

He felt the breeze against his face and woke up from the dream.________________

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Paragraph 2:

His father led him to the study and gave him the book._______________________

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【评价导思】

1. 对文本的解读，你是从哪些方面入手的？

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2. 对语言风格的解读，你关注了哪些方面？

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3. 与范文相比，你的文章有何亮点与不足？ 如何改进？

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