不一样的笔友

by Stevisha Taylor

One day when I was three， my father went over to my grandfathers house. My father and grandfather had always had a bad relationship， because my grandfather beat on his wife and kids. That day， they ended up arguing over money and other business. My relatives say that my grandfather had been drinking and pulled a gun on my dad. Then my dad pulled a gun on him， too. Shots were fired， my grandfather ended up dead， and my father got thrown in jail.

I was heartbroken. I lived with my father （my mom had dropped off[离开] because of drug use） and now he got sent to a prison far away. It meant that my father and I could never see each other.

After my father was arrested， my aunt and grandparents thought not seeing him until I was 18 was best for me， and the courts agreed. Since then， Ive had to wake up each day with the hurt of knowing I will not see my father. But the amazing thing is my dad has always been in my life.

Cards and Letters

For as long as I can remember， he has written to me. I was about five when I started sending him pictures I drew. I was eight when I started writing. Most of the time， we wrote about us not being able to see each other. I sent him a letter just about every other week. Hed send me birthday cards and letters and hed tell me that he cared about me.

Over the years， I stopped drawing but I wrote to him more and more. Now I write to him every other day and he writes to me once a week. We talk on the phone about every other week.

He tells me that jail is a hard-knock[艰难的] life. He writes to me about his life before jail， too. He tells me that growing up was not easy. His father would beat on him and his brother. Sometimes they would try to stop their dad from beating up their mom.

When my father was a teenager， he got tired of the abuse[虐待]， and one day he ran away. My father told me how hard it was leaving behind his mother and brothers. But his oldest brother helped him get away， and my dad went to live with his aunt.

Telling him M y Secrets

My father writes to me about his life， and I tell him all my secrets. When I was younger and would tell him about my mom using drugs， he would be upset and say that he was sorry that he was not there for me. When I told him about me being hurt at home， he was furious[狂怒的] about the situation. He was mad at[对……发怒] the world. But there was nothing he could do but tell me to be strong and hold on.

A Fairy Tale Wish Come True

I feel like these years of writing and talking have bonded[结合] my father and me. All our letters make me feel like we are one. Sometimes I cry when we talk because I miss him. Other times I tell him about my life and he just listens.

Learning about my fathers experiences has left me angry， but its also made me want to make my life better， to finish school and go to college and succeed， for myself， my father and my child. It isnt always easy.

Although the courts originally[最初] ruled that I shouldnt see my father until I turn 18， the judge allowed me a visit. I wont forget that day. On one of my court dates， he came to see me. The guards just sat in the room with us while we talked to each other. We caught up on a lot of things that had been going on in my life. It felt like my fairy tale wish had finally come true.

Father-Daughter Time

My dad will be released soon. I will be so happy when he is out and we will be able to form a life together. Of course I have worries about things not working for my dad， like him not being able to find a good job， or even a part-time job， since its hard for ex-convicts[曾被判刑的人] to find work， especially people like my dad who have been locked up for so long.

But at least I will be able to take care of him and we will be able to talk to each other a lot more. We will spend father-daughter time together， and if I have a problem， I will be able to call him late at night. Whatever happens， I will just be happy that he is out and we have the chance to connect again， after so much time apart.

我3岁的某一天，我爸爸去了爷爷家。爸爸和爷爷的关系一直很差，因为爷爷对妻儿拳打脚踢。那天，他们最终为钱和其他事情争吵。亲戚们说，我爷爷喝了酒，掏出一把枪对着爸爸。我爸爸也拿枪指着他。他们开了枪，最后，爷爷死了，我爸爸则被关进监狱。

我伤痛欲绝。我之前是和爸爸一起住的（妈妈因为毒品问题离我们而去），现在他被送到了一间很远的监狱。这意味着爸爸和我再也见不到对方了。

爸爸被逮捕以后，我的阿姨和外祖父母认为，在我18岁以前我最好不要见他，法庭也同意了。从那以后，我每天起床都会想到不能与爸爸见面，实在痛苦难耐。然而，不可思议的是，爸爸一直存在于我的生活当中。

卡片和信件

就我记忆所及，他会给我写信。在我大约5岁的时候，我开始给他寄我自己画的画。我8岁时开始写信。大多数时候，我们写的都是无法相见这件事。我几乎每隔一周就会给他寄一封信。他会给我寄生日卡和信，并告诉我他很在乎我。

这些年来，我不再画画了，但给他写的信越来越多。我现在每隔一天就给他写信，他则每周和我通信一次。我们大约每隔一周通一次电话。

他告诉我，牢狱生活不好受，也会向我描述坐牢前的生活。他对我说，成长不容易。他的父亲会殴打他和他弟弟。有时候，他们试图阻止父亲殴打他们的妈妈。

当爸爸还是青少年的时候，他厌倦了这种虐待，于是有一天，他离家出走了。爸爸对我说，弃母亲和兄弟不顾是多么痛苦的一件事。但他的大哥帮他逃脱了，于是爸爸和他的阿姨一起生活。

分享秘密

爸爸给我写了有关他生活的事，我则把自己所有的秘密都告诉他。我还小的时候，我会跟他说妈妈吸毒的事，他会很伤心，为不能在我身边而感到遗憾。当我告诉他我在家里受伤的时候，他会因此发怒。他对世界充满愤怒。可是除了叫我坚强、坚持下去以外，他也无能为力。

美梦成真

我感觉到这些年的通信和谈话令我和爸爸紧紧地联系在一起，所有这些信件让我感觉到我们是一体的。有时候，我会在聊天的时候落泪，因为我想念他。其他时候，我会和爸爸说说自己的生活，他则在一旁聆听。

爸爸的经历让我愤懑不已，但也让我立志过上更好的生活，读书，上大学，取得成功——为了自己，为了爸爸，也为了我的孩子。过程并不容易。

虽然法庭原来规定我在18岁之前不能和爸爸见面，法官还是允许我去见他一次。我永远不会忘记那一天。在其中一个开庭日，他来见我了。我们在聊天，守卫就坐在房间里。我们谈了我生活中的许多事情，感觉就像美梦终于成真了。

父女时光

爸爸很快就要被释放了。他出狱时我会十分高兴，我们终于能够一起生活了。当然了，我也会担心爸爸出狱后会事事不顺，比如他无法找到好工作，甚至连兼职也找不到，因为有前科的人很难找到工作，特别是像我爸爸这种被关起来这么久的人。

但是，起码我可以照顾他，我们也可以经常聊天了。我们将一起度过我们的父女时光；如果我有什么问题，我也可以在深夜给他打电话。经过了如此漫长的分离，无论发生什么事情，现在他能够出狱、我们又有机会在一起，我就已经很开心了。