The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole Aged 13?《少年阿莫的秘密日记》

苗媛媛 阿琼

休·汤森（Sue Townsend， 1946～2014），英国著名女作家，15岁时开始写作，但写了20年依然默默无闻，直到1980年根据其童年经历写成的《少年阿莫的秘密日记》（The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole Aged 13 ）公开出版。该书不仅受到读者的热烈欢迎，获得媒体的连篇好评，还迅速被改编成影视作品搬上了大银幕。此后，《少年阿莫的秘密日记II》《阿莫抓狂记》《阿莫的卡布奇诺年代》等“阿莫”系列作品陆续出版，汤森的作品也被翻译成越来越多的语种。

《少年阿莫的秘密日记》是一本纯粹的秘密日记，以主人公阿莫（Adrian Mole）的口吻，记录了一个十三四岁的男孩眼中的生活点滴。该书被BBC评为“英国最受欢迎的图书”，被《每日邮报》评为“年度最有趣味图书”，被英国第一大连锁书店水石书店评为“世纪最受欢迎童书”。

下文选自该书的“春天”部分，讲述的是阿莫陪伴独居老人伯特·巴克斯特（Bert Baxter）的生活琐事及阿莫幻想自己有钱后会是怎样。

Went to school. Found it closed. In my anguish1） I had forgotten that I am on holiday. Didn't want to go home， so went to see Bert Baxter2） instead. He said the social worker had been to see him and had promised to get Sabre3） a new kennel4） but he can't have a home help. （Bert， not Sabre.）

There must have been a full week's washing up in the sink again. Bert says he saves it for me because I make a good job of it. While I washed up I told Bert about my parents getting a divorce. He said he didn't hold with5） divorce. He said he was married for thirty-five miserable years so why should anybody else get away with it？ He told me that he has got four children and none of them come to see him. Two of them are in Australia so they can't be blamed， but I think the other two should be ashamed of themselves. Bert showed me a photograph of his dead wife； it was taken in the days before they had plastic surgery6）. Bert told me that he was a hostler7） when he got married （a hostler is somebody doing things with horses） and didn't really notice that his wife looked like a horse until he left to work on the railways. I asked him if he would like to see a horse again. He said he would， so I took him to see Blossom8）.

It took us ages to get there. Bert walks dead slow and he kept having to sit down on garden walls， but we got there eventually. Bert said that Blossom was not a horse， she was a girl pony. He kept patting her and saying "who's a beauty then， eh？" Then Blossom went for a run about so we sat down on the scrap car， and Bert had Woodbine and I had a Mars bar. Then we walked back to Bert's house. I went to the shops and bought a packet of Vesta chow mein and a butterscotch9） Instant Whip for our dinner， so Bert ate a decent meal for once. We watched Pebble Mill at One， then Bert showed me his old horse brushes and photographs of the big house where he worked when he was a boy. He said he was made into a communist when he was there， but he fell asleep before he could tell me why.

Came home， nobody was in so I played my Abba records at the highest volume until the deaf woman next door banged on the wall.

3月16日，星期一

去了学校，发现大门紧闭。因为太难过，我都忘了今天放假。不想回家，所以便去看望伯特·巴克斯特。伯特说社会福利工作人员来看过他了，还承诺给军刀弄一个新狗窝，但他们没法给他（伯特，而不是军刀）提供一个家庭看护。

水槽里必然又堆满了整整一周的脏碗盘。伯特说这是他留给我的，因为这活儿我做得好。我一边洗碗，一边把爸爸妈妈要离婚的事告诉了伯特。他说他不支持离婚。他说自己过了35年悲惨的婚姻生活，所以别人又怎么可以逃过这样的折磨？他告诉我他有四个孩子，但是没有一个来看过他。其中两个住在澳大利亚，所以不能怪他们，但我觉得另外两个应该感到羞愧。伯特给我看了他已故妻子的照片，那是在整容手术流行之前照的。伯特告诉我他结婚时是个马夫（马夫就是照顾马儿的人），直到他转行去铁路公司工作时才真正意识到妻子长得像马。我问他想不想再去看看马。他说好，我就带他去看了小花。

我们花了好长时间才到那儿。伯特走路慢得要命，时不时还得在花园围墙上坐一会儿，但我们最终还是到那儿了。伯特说小花不是马，是一只小母驹。他不停地拍着小花说：“谁是小美女啊，嗯？”后来小花去练跑了，我们就坐在那辆废弃的车上，伯特抽着伍德宾香烟，我吃着玛氏巧克力。然后我们又走回了伯特家。我去商店买了一包Vesta炒面和黄油硬糖味儿的速食点心当晚餐，这样伯特总算吃了一顿像样的饭。我们一起看了电视节目《佩博·米尔一点钟》，后来伯特给我看了他以前用过的马刷和他年少时工作所在的大房子的照片。他说自己在那里时成了一个共产主义者，但还没告诉我原因他就睡着了。

回到家，家里连个人影都没有。所以我就放阿巴乐队的唱片听，开到最大声，直到隔壁那位耳背的太太使劲敲墙我才把音量调小。

St. Patrick's Day. Bank Holiday in N. Ireland and Rep. of Ireland

Mr. O'leary who lives across the road from us was drunk at ten o'clock in the morning！ He got thrown out of the butcher's10） for singing.

3月17日，星期二

圣帕特里克节，北爱尔兰和爱尔兰共和国的银行休假日

住在我家马路对面的奥利里先生早上十点钟就已经喝醉了！他在肉铺里大声唱歌，结果被扔了出来。

1. anguish [???ɡw??] n. 极度痛苦

2. Bert Baxter： 伯特·巴克斯特，一位脾气古怪的独居老人，阿莫在慈心社社团被分配照顾他。

3. Sabre： 军刀，伯特·巴克斯特养的一条阿尔萨斯牧羊犬

4. kennel [?kenl] n. 狗窝

5. hold with： 支持；赞成

6. plastic surgery： 整形外科

7. hostler [?h?sl?（r）] n. 马夫

8. Blossom： 小花，一匹小母马，是阿莫暗恋的女孩潘多拉家养的。

9. butterscotch [?b?t?sk?t?] adj. 黄油硬糖味的

10. butcher [?b?t??（r）] n. 肉贩；屠夫

My mother and father are both speaking to solicitors11）. I expect they are fighting over who gets custody12） of me. I will be a tug-of-love child， and my picture will be in the newspapers. I hope my spots13） clear up before then.

3月18日，星期三

爸爸妈妈都在跟他们各自的律师谈话。我猜他们正为谁拥有我的监护权吵个没完。我会成为“爱的拔河赛”中被争夺的小孩，搞不好我的照片还会上报。只希望在那以前我脸上的痘痘能消掉。

Mr. Lucas14） has put his house up for sale. My mother says the asking price is thirty thousand pounds！！

What will he do with all that money？

My mother says he will buy another bigger house. How stupid can you get？

If I had thirty thousand pounds I would wander the world having experiences.

I wouldn't take any real money with me because I have read that most foreigners are thieves. Instead I would have three thousand pounds' worth of traveler's cheques sewn into my trousers. Before I set off， I would：

a） Send Pandora15） three dozen red roses.

b） Pay a mercenary fifty pounds to duff Barry Kent16） up.

c） Buy the best racing bike in the world and ride it past Nigel's17） house.

d） Order a massive crate18） of expensive dog food so that the dog is properly fed while I'm away.

e） Buy a housekeeper for Bert Baxter.

f） Offer my mother and father a thousand pounds （each） to stay together.

When I came back from the world I would be tall， brown and full of ironical experiences and Pandora would cry into her pillow at night because of the chance she missed to be Mrs. Pandora Mole. I would qualify to be a vet in record time then I would buy a farmhouse. I would convert one room into a study so that I could have somewhere quiet to be intellectual in.

I wouldn't waste thirty thousand pounds on buying a semi-detached house！

3月19日，星期四

卢卡斯先生已经把他的房子挂牌售卖了。妈妈说要价是三万英镑！！

他用那么多钱来做什么？

妈妈说他要买座更大的房子。人到底能有多蠢？

要是我有三万英镑，我会去环游世界，体验人生。

不过我不会带着现金去旅游的，因为我在书上读到过，大部分外国人都是小偷。所以我要把三千英镑换成旅行支票缝在裤子里。在出发前，我还要：

a） 送潘多拉三打红玫瑰。

b） 花50英镑找个雇佣兵把巴里·肯特狠狠揍一顿。

c） 买一辆世界上最棒的竞赛自行车，然后骑着它经过奈杰尔家。

d） 订购一大箱贵死人的狗粮，这样我不在的时候狗狗也能填饱肚子。

e） 给伯特·巴克斯特雇个管家。

f） 给爸爸妈妈（每人）一千英镑，让他们别分开。

环游世界回来之后，我会变得身材高大，有古铜色的皮肤，有了许多新奇有趣的经历，而潘多拉则会在夜里抱着枕头痛哭，因为她错过了成为潘多拉·莫尔夫人的机会。我会以创纪录的时间取得兽医资格，然后买一座农场住宅。我要把其中一间屋子改装成书房，这样我就可以有个安静的地方思考。

我才不会把三万英镑浪费在一座半独立式住宅上！