阅读为基 层层进阶——写后讲评有效促写

浙江

一、问题的提出

自从2016年浙江省高考英语试题出现读后续写这一新题型以来，如何进行有效的写作教学指导便成为教师们热切关注的话题。

学生在这一新题型写作中主要存在以下几个问题：1.基础薄弱的学生的写作语法错误频出。2.水平中等的学生的写作语言难以达意，内容不合乎逻辑。3.部分水平较好的学生的写作则多是华丽的词藻堆积，缺乏思想内容。

笔者观摩了几节读后续写教学公开课后，发现学生的写作很少体现教师指导的痕迹。于是，笔者进行了“阅读为基 层层进阶”的写后讲评教学尝试（材料附后）。即：通过初写，激发学生的表达愿望，暴露写作问题；讲评之后，小组合作互批互改——改语法错误处，改情节不合理处；最后，回归个体写作体验，进行反思，形成思维习惯。

二、初写——激发表达愿望 暴露写作问题

学生的初写存在以下问题：

内容方面语言方面三言两语式（我看见圣诞树下有一个礼盒，我就去打开它，打开以后看到一个很丑的布娃娃。） 谓语缺失。如：My heart full of happiness.胡言乱语式（我看到一个漂亮的布娃娃，我就拿去给Cinderella看，可是她看不起我的布娃娃。） 谓语重叠。如：It is must be as beautiful as the doll in the shop.花拳绣腿式（看到妈妈做的这个布娃娃更像是一个乞丐，我愤怒地大喊一声，整个房子都震动了。） 词性误用。如：He said to me with kind./逻辑混乱。如：Looking at the box, a beautiful doll came into my mind.

【教学效果】

一方面，有效地激发了学生的表达欲望。另一方面，掌握了学生在写作中容易犯的语言错误类型，为接下来有的放矢的讲评提供了依据。

三、讲评—— 阅读为基 层层进阶

（一）浅层阅读 梳理情节

为了帮助学生梳理文章脉络，笔者采用了 Rebecca Ray在Teach Parts of a Story 里面的SWBS策略，如下表：

Somebody Wanted But So Who’s the main character? What did the character want? What was the problem? How did they try to solve the problem?

【教学效果】

这种方式非常适合用来梳理这篇文章的内容情节，在初读的基础上，学生2分钟就填好了这个表格。这为下一步深度阅读做了准备。

（二）深层阅读 赏析语言

深层阅读教学，即培养学生深度阅读能力的教学。笔者用Who, How, Why, What问句促进学生对文本进行深层阅读。如下表：

Somebody Wanted But So Madge a beautiful doll mother refused I, mother Who? How? Why? What?six-year-old Madge with my eyes widened, pressing my hands against the glass, the most beautiful doll I have ever seen, a fairy princess suit made of shining red silk, the tiny tiara fastened to her silky golden hair shone.could not afford, guided me away, promised a very special gift.I: watched, danced, excitement grew Mother: the needle flash up and down,whenever I walked into the room she would hide it under a pillow.

【教学效果】

在深层阅读环节，通过回答Who的问题，学生明白了续写文章中的人物动作、心理活动应该符合一个六岁小女孩的年龄特征。通过对How问句的思考，学生学习了通过对他物的描写来衬托主人翁“我”对这个布娃娃的强烈渴望。在回答问题Why的过程中，学生了解了故事的发展背景。通过回答What 问句，学生了解妈妈在缝纫机旁忙碌的身影，为后续写作埋下伏笔。从学生的作文结果看，这是一个非常有效的教学步骤。

（三）续写创新 语言丰富

在学生进行了以上由浅入深的阅读和思考之后，笔者要求学生写作前思考以下问题。如下表：

故事的发展过程 内容逻辑 语言表达Paragraph 1: There, underneath the tree, was a beautifully packed gift box. What was a six-year-old girl’s reaction? How would you describe it to the readers?After opening the gift box An ugly doll What is the disappointing doll like?Paragraph 2: But I could see Mother watching me,with an eager look on her face.1.How would you respond to your mother’s eager look if you were the little girl?2.What lead to the change of your attitude?How would you express your feelings?

【教学效果】

从学生的作品看，深度阅读有效提高了学生的写作水平：续写内容更加合理，语言表达更加丰富，语言模仿能力和运用能力明显提升。如：

学生作品片断1：My heart was brimming with such a wild joy that I could hardly wait to tear the box open.However,my heart sank to the bottom the instant I saw it and I burst into screaming.

四、二稿——互批提高正确率 讨论释放想象力

王初明教授说：“为增强协同效应，可在读后续写过程中引入人际互动，如鼓励学生针对读物先讨论后续写，或先续写后讨论，或合作续写，共同进步。”因此，笔者讲评完之后，让学生小组合作进行创作。

【教学效果】

1.语言丰富

学生作品片断2：I took a deep breath and came up.With a trembling hand, I opened the box.I tore at the box without any hesitation.However, suddenly my mind went blank.“It is not my Cinderella.It is not my beautiful doll.”

2.想象丰富

学生作品片断3：The box was decorated with a clean red silk.Curiosity drove me to open the box.Barely can I conceal my excitement.But when I opened it, my heart sank to the bottom the instant I saw it.There is a doll in a strange shape lying in the middle of the box.The doll was so ugly and rough that I even wanted to throw it away and burst out crying.When I turned around, I found my mother was hiding behind the door and stared at me secretly.At the moment I didn’t know how to deal with the doll.

3.内容合理

学生作品片断4：Suddenly, I recalled the effort my mother had made to make the doll.I looked at the doll again.In fact, it wasn’t so bad; on the contrary, now it appeared more beautiful because I realized there was my mother’s love in it.

4.情感细腻

学生作品片断 5：I’ve also noticed her white hair and calluses on her hand.I suddenly realized she had made great effort to make the doll.Then tears rolled down my face, I kissed her and told her：“Yeah, it’s one of the most beautiful dolls that I’ve ever seen, even more beautiful than those in the stores.”

五、三稿——回归个体体验 提升思维品质

无论教师进行哪种写作技巧和写作方法的讲授，写作教学的最终目标都要落实到学生个体，因为写作是个人思想感情和思维方式的体现。因此，笔者再次要求学生进行个体写作，并要求学生进行反思。结果，学生的表现令笔者感到惊艳。主要表现在以下几个方面：

1.语言模仿力强

同学A：

While opening the box I was even imaging the beautiful picture of dancing with my princess.But when I saw the doll in the box, my heart sank to the bottom（课堂补充）.I was so disappointed that I didn’t realize the gift box I had dropped to the ground（平时的一篇阅读理解）.Seeing this, she placed her arms around my shoulders and pressed her cheek against mine（模仿原文）.I felt some hot liquid on her face when she choked out（平时的一篇阅读理解）.

2.体现文眼

同学B：

She asked if I liked the Cinderella doll.At that time I noticed the calluses on her hand, which reminded me of all those days she had been working on the doll.Suddenly, I had tears in my eyes but I fought back tears and yelled with a big smile：“Mum, I like the doll very much.Everyone loved Cinderella, but I love her ugly stepsister.”（文眼）I would never forget this unique Christmas gift.

3.运用修辞

同学C：

As I took apart the gift box, what came into my sight was an ugly doll, no crystal shoes, no tiara and no shining red silk on her.I threw myself into a chair, crying.（三个no重复）

4.个人反思

学生的个人反思中有以下几种比较典型：

（1）用动作表达心情更传神,确实应该多看名著。

（2）读后续写要通过动作描写来渲染人物的心情。

（3）读后续写在刻画人物动作、情感时不能一笔带过，要用生动的语言来描写。

（4）进行读后续写的时候，要尽可能地设身处地去想象，然后用真情实感去写。

（5）要有情节，所有的故事都要紧紧围绕主题，用好文章前面的条件。

六、反思

通过本次教学尝试，笔者认为有效的写后讲评能够提高学生的读后续写能力。

（一）写作体验有助于提高学生的表达愿望

“Tell me and I forget.Show me and I remember.Involve me and I understand.”当学生在写作过程中处于“欲说无词”的状态时，就是教师进行语言输入的最佳时机，而没有经过任何指导的初稿写作就是激发学生表达愿望的重要步骤。

（二）深层解读有利于提高学生的思维水平

深层解读有利于提高学生的审辩式思维水平，有利于学生在读后续写的内容和语言方面与原文保持一致，也有利于学生欣赏和学习原文作者的语言风格，并在续写中加以运用。

（三）互助合作有助于释放学生的创造力和想象力

学生在同伴互助讨论中，相互启发、相互否定又相互肯定，其想象力和创新能力得以更大程度的发挥。因此，学生所续写的内容更加富有创意，也更加符合情理。

（四）写作反思使语言表达丰富多彩

当学生在对比了自己的初稿和二稿之后再进行反思的时候，学生不仅对自己的写作过程进行了反思，也对自己的作品进行了纠正和润色，并且形成了自己的思维路径。在进行三稿写作的时候，学生就能从修辞手法、内容构思等方面加以思考。

总之，有效的写后讲评能够提高学生读后续写作品的语言逻辑和内容逻辑，也能充分释放学生的创造力和想象力。

材料：

Everyone loved Cinderella, but I loved her ugly stepsister.

The sidewalk was filled with shoppers as my mother and I hurried to the department store.I raised my neck for a look at the holiday window display, but at the age of six I was too small to see around the grown-ups with their winter coats and packages.When at last we reached the store，I stood with my eyes widened.“Look, Mother,”I shouted, pressing my hands against the glass, “Cinderella.” Before my eyes was the most beautiful doll I had ever seen! She wore a fairy princess suit made of shining red silk.I knew if I lifted her skirt I would find her crystal（水晶）shoes.The tiny tiara（冠状头饰）fastened to her silky golden hair shone.

“If only she were mine,”I dreamed.“We’d have tea parties, share secrets and dance with a handsome prince.”But to my disappointment, my mother guided me away from the window, explaining that she and my father could not afford such an expensive doll.“But there will be very special gift under the tree for you on Christmas morning, Madge.” she said,“I promise.”

Later that week I leaned against Mothers sewing machine,watching the needle flash up and down.“Bet you don’t know what this is!”She joked, holding up the cloth for me to see.

“My Christmas doll!”I yelled.It was still in the early stages but I could make out the head, neck and body.“So much to my surprise!”Mother laughed as I danced around the room, already pretending Cinderella and I were at the ball.It wouldn’t be long now.

My excitement grew with each passing day.Mother continued to work on the doll, and whenever I walked into the room she would hide it under a pillow.I could tell by her smile she was pleased with her progress.On Christmas morning I jumped out of bed, ran down the hall and quickly arrived at the living room where the Christmas tree was placed.

注意：

1.所续写短文的词数应为150左右；

2.应使用5个以上短文中标有下划线的关键词语；

3.续写部分分为两段,每段的开头语已为你写好；

4.续写完成后,请用下划线标出你所使用的关键词语。

Paragraph1：

There, underneath the tree, was a beautifully packed gift box._________________________________________________________________________

Paragraph2：

But I could see Mother watching me, with an eager look on her face.______________________________________________________________________