Story Gifted by a Little Angel

Two years ago,I took a taxi from Beijing to Xianghe in Hebei province,which is something of a lengthy trip.

A friend of mine was holding a marathon and my family and I all participated in the competition to support him.

The traffic was heavy,and the sun was an intense fireball.

My son,Luoluo,was sitting in the back with me.He appeared to be carsick,starting to feel more and more nauseous.I told a story to distract him from his misery.

It began with him asking,“Where did I come from?”

I told him,“One day,Mommy and Daddy wanted a child,so Daddy put a seed in Mommy’s body,and then we fell asleep,hand in hand.In our dreams,we flew to the sky where we met a fairy.She waved at us and said,‘Would you like a child? Come with me and select a little angel.’”

Luoluo was so fascinated by the story that he forgot everything around him.

Giving free play to my imagination,I described the scene as vividly as possible and told him about seeing all the little angels.

“In the playground,there were lots of little angels.They ran after each other and they were very happy.Finally,we saw a little angel next to a slide.He was a small glutenous boy with some bread crumbs that were stuck to the corner of his mouth.His eyes would narrow when he smiled.”

Knowing I was talking about him,Luoluo started smiling,eyes narrowing into slits.

My hubby,who was sitting in the front passenger seat,suddenly turned and said,“You ran so fast that I couldn’t catch you at all!”

That day,I told the story five times.

The variations included how his dad and I decided to choose him and only him to be our son,regardless of the fairy trying to persuade us to think it over.

After hearing the story five times,Luoluo fell asleep.When he woke up,he asked me when we found out he was that little angel.

As our taxi was pulling into Xianghe,I looked outside the window and said,“Nine months after that dream,I gave birth to you.The moment Dad saw you,he shouted in surprise,‘Oh my!Isn’t he the angel we picked in our dream?’”

My husband had loosened his seatbelt and was about to get out of the car when he heard what I was saying.Turning back,he said,“Yeah,that’s exactly what happened.”

One day six months later,Luoluo was acting like such a little hellion that I lost my temper and pushed him out the door.

“I don’t want to be your mom anymore!” I shouted in anger.

Never in my wildest imagination could I have predicted what he was to say next.He asked me in a heartwrenching fury,“I was happy as a little angel in Heaven,then you had to pick me and bring me to this world to live.Now you’re saying you don’t want me anymore?”

For a bloated and uncomfortable moment,I was too shocked to be angry.I apologized saying,“Sorry,Luoluo.I’ll never ask you to leave again.”

One evening,I saw him smiling at the night sky.When asked what he was doing,he pointed to the new moon and said,“Is that the slide? The one I was standing by when you and Daddy found me?”

Another time,when we were looking at star charts,I explained to him what Libra and Cancer were and he said excitedly,“When I was a little angel,I played this harp and hung out with this little crab!”

Even when we were on holiday in the countryside,where we could see every star clearly in the sky,Luoluo pointed at the Milky Way excitedly,“When I was a little angel,I must’ve washed my feet in that beautiful river!”

When he was completely sold on the idea of being a little angel,the world was engulfed in dreamy colors.To him,life became a jigsaw puzzle with missing pieces,and he just filled in the missing pieces with his wild imagination all based on him being an angel.And that’s how a story grows.

Small children are not onlyinterested in “what happened before,” but also eager to know“what happens after.”

The first thing that Luoluo was curious about was where his wings had gone.

I told him we hid them,in case he flew away.My husband remarked,“We did hide them,but when you can and want to fly,I’ll go with you.”

Perhaps that’s the difference between a mom and a dad.

His curiosity didn’t stop there.“Where are the wings now?” He wanted to know.

For quite a while after that,Luoluo would always rummage through chests and cupboards,looking for his wings,whenever he was alone in his room.He even asked his classmates,“Have you found your wings?”

I didn’t find an answer to his question until the Spring Festival rush came.

“Do you know why Mom and Dad take you to our hometown every year? Because one of your wings is hidden in a cave on Mount Huang,in Mom’s hometown in Anhui Province,and the other is in a cave on Mount Wuyi in Dad’s hometown in Fujian Province.We go home when your wings call for us.”

However,there are more questions that are harder to answer than the ones about wings.

“What was I before I was a little angel?”

“Were you and Dad angels too?”

“If I’m an angel,then when I grow up and want children,do I have to go to Heaven to pick a little angel too?”

Luoluo’s questions were neverending.

Ultimately,I had no choice but to fill in the gaps in the story,“Little angels are brought home by their parents into the mortal world.When they grow up and want to be parents,they’ll go to Heaven and pick little angels to be their children.Then when they’re really,really old,they’ll go back to Heaven and become little angels again,waiting to be found by their parents.”

God knows how hard it is to make up such a story.

And God knows how marvelous a child’s imagination can be.

One morning,I opened my eyes and noticed Luoluo was already awake.Seeing his worried face,I asked him,“What’s on your mind?”

He said,“If you and Dad go back to Heaven in the future,is it possible we’ll never see each other again?”

I told him,“Maybe not.But maybe one day when Dad and I come back to the Earth again and go to Heaven to pick a little angel as our child,we might see you.But all of us will look different and may not recognize each other.”

一

两年前的一天，我打了辆专车，从北京去香河。

朋友在那里办马拉松，我带全家去参赛，为他捧场。

交通很堵，烈日炎炎。

孩子和我坐在后排，依偎着我，他感到越来越不舒服，想吐，看来是晕车了。为引开他的注意力，我便给他讲故事。

故事从他问“我从哪里来”开始。

我说：“洛洛啊，你知道吗？有一天，爸爸妈妈想要一个孩子，爸爸就把种子放在妈妈的身体里，然后我们手拉手睡着了。梦里，我们飞到天上，遇见一个仙女，仙女对我们招手，说：‘想要孩子吗？跟我去挑一个小天使吧。’”

洛洛听入神了。

我发挥想象，尽情勾勒在天上遇见小天使们的情景——

“游乐园里，许多小天使在玩耍。

“他们你追我，我追你。

“终于，我和爸爸在滑滑梯旁发现一个小天使，他有点馋，嘴角还有一粒面包渣，一笑眼就眯起来……”

洛洛知道，我说的是他，眼已经眯起来。

坐在副驾驶座的爸爸忽然转过头，加入创作：“还跑得特别快，我抓都抓不住。”

那天，这个故事我讲了五遍。

后面的情节包括，我和爸爸如何一眼挑中他、下定决心要他，仙女如何苦劝我们再想想、再挑挑，都被我们严词拒绝。

听了五遍，洛洛睡着了。

醒来，他问我，什么时候发现他就是那个小天使。

车已进香河境内，我看着窗外——

“梦醒后的第九个月，我生下了你，爸爸见你第一眼就惊呆了，冲我喊：‘天啊，这不就是我们在天上挑的小天使吗？’”

前排的爸爸解开安全带，准备下车，再次回头，表示肯定：“对！”

二

半年后的一天，因为洛洛不听话，我情绪失控，把他推出门，我说：“我不想做你妈妈了。”

他的反应出乎我意料。

他愤怒地质问我：“我在天上做小天使好好的，是你把我挑回来的，现在不想要我了？”

一时间，我惊诧得忘了生气。

我立马说：“对不起，我再也不说让你走了。”

此后，出现过，他笑眯眯对着夜空发呆，问他在干什么，他反问我：“就是那架滑滑梯吗？”他指着一弯新月：“是你和爸爸发现我的滑滑梯吗？”

还出现过，看星云图，我解释什么是天琴座，什么是巨蟹座，他畅想着：“我在天上做小天使的时候，就弹过这个琴，和这个小螃蟹玩过。”

甚至，我们在京郊度假，清晰见到银河的那一夜，洛洛脱口而出的也是：“啊！我做小天使时，一定在这条河边洗过脚。”

总之，当他坚信自己是小天使时，一切都变得有梦幻色彩，他像玩拼图一样，拿想象补全前史，发生的一切都以天使为逻辑存在。

故事就这么自己长出来了。

三

然而，孩子并不满足于知道“前”，还关心着如何“后”。

Luoluo was worried almost all day until he got home after school.He put his arms around my neck and declared that he had a good idea.

“Mom,you know how I always pronounce ‘walk’ as ‘work’?” he asked.“When you and Dad come to pick a little angel,I’ll sit next to the slide,in case we can’t recognize each other.I won’t go with anyone else until I hear you call out ‘work’ and then I’ll know you’re my parents and I’ll come home with you.”

His face brightened into a big smile and his eyes narrowed into those same cute little slits again.

Tears started flowing in an unending stream,and I was powerless to stop them.Now it’s time to write about this story,I thought to myself.

It’s a story that has naturally grown.It has sprouted,blossomed and born fruit from a child’s imagination.

It’s a real story that was gifted to me by a little angel and I was simply there to record it in all its beautiful innocence.

(FromGentleness on Earth:Be a Warm Person the Rest of My Life.Jiangsu Phoenix Literature and Art Publishing Ltd.Translation:Liu Lili)

洛洛第一关心的是，如果他是天使，他的翅膀后来去哪儿了？

我的解释是藏起来了，怕他飞走；爸爸的解释是，藏起来了，“但等你能飞、想飞，我就陪你飞”。

呵，这也是爸爸和妈妈的区别吧。

然而，问题又来了：“究竟藏到哪里去了？”

一段时间内，只要洛洛单独待在房间，就翻箱倒柜；他还问同学：“你找到你的翅膀了吗？”

我是在春运途中，终于找到合适答案的——

“为什么每年，爸爸妈妈要带你回老家？因为你的翅膀，一只藏在妈妈的老家安徽黄山的山洞里，一只藏在爸爸的老家福建武夷山的山洞里，我们回老家，是翅膀在默默引领着我们回去看它。”

然而，还有比翅膀更难解决的问题，即生死——

“天使在做天使之前，是什么？”

“你和爸爸以前也是天使吗？”

“如果我是天使，我以后想要孩子，也要去天上挑天使吗？”

洛洛的问题追着问题。

于是，我编织了一个轮回：“小天使被人间的父母挑回来，慢慢长大，也变成父母，再去天上挑天使做孩子；他们变老，特别老，就再回到天上，过一段时间，再变成天使，等待人间的父母来挑。”

天知道，编织的过程有多复杂。

天知道，孩子的衍生能力有多奇妙。

当一个清晨，我醒来，发现洛洛睁大着眼睛，显然醒得更早，并显得很忧虑，我问他：“你在想什么？”

他回答：“如果你和爸爸回到天上，我还在地上，我们是不是见不着了？”

我说：“也许见不着。也许有一天，我和爸爸又到地上，又需要去天上挑小天使，可能还会遇见你，但我们都变样了，不一定认识对方，可能会错过。”

他就这么忧虑了一天，直到晚上放学回来，搂着我的脖子，说他想出办法了——

那天，洛洛说：“妈妈，我不是总把‘走’喊成‘抖’吗？等你和爸爸再去挑小天使时，我们都变样了，我就坐在滑滑梯旁，谁来挑我我都不走，你们一喊‘抖’，我就知道我的爸爸妈妈来了，我就跟你们回家。”

他因想出办法，眼睛又笑得眯起来。

而我哭了，我想是时候写这个故事了。

一个自然生长出来的故事，一个偶然开头，孩子却让它发芽开花结果的故事。

一个真正由天使赐给我的故事，我只是记录者。

（摘自《人间温柔：余生做一个温暖的人》江苏凤凰文艺出版社）