中考作文示例分析

杨庆春

[真題在线]

（2020·贵州·贵阳）某英语网站正在开展关于良好生活习惯的征文大赛，请以“Good Living Habits Make Me_______________”为题，写一篇不少于80词的英语短文参加此次大赛。

要求如下：1. 补全标题;

2. 重点谈谈良好的生活习惯对你的积极影响和作用;

3. 征文中不得出现考生真实的个人信息。

[试题解读]

本文是一篇开放式命题作文。要求以“Good Living Habits Make Me_____________”为题写一篇英语短文。由此，可知本文话题是日常生活中的一些具体片段。写此文时，首先我们要研读提示信息，结合自己的经历将本文的标题补充完整，然后确定体裁，构思写作思路。根据要求可以介绍自己有哪些好习惯，这样可以写成一篇说明文;也可以讲述自己学习生活中养成好习惯的经历或故事，这样可以写成记叙文。注意在写作时，我们要用自己熟悉的语言表达事例，适当发挥，写全要点，相信一定能写出一篇内容丰富的文章。

【注意事项】

1. 把标题补充完整;

2.确定好写作体裁，把握好写作方向;

3. 讲述故事情节要生动，富有真情实感，详略得当;

4.用第一人称写作，一般文中用到一般现在时和一般过去时。

【习作展示】

Good living Habits Make Me Healthier

Good living habits are important in our lives. They have an influence on us a lot in many ways. ①As high school student， I have some good living habits. Let me share them with everyone.

②First of all， do sports is an important part of our healthy life. I never stay up late， so I get up so early every day and then run for half an hour. I often play ball games with my classmates at school. ③Sports make me happier and stronger.

Secondly， good eating habits are necessary. ④As the saying goes， “An apple a day keeps the doctor away me.” I usually eat healthy food， such as fruit and vegetables， but I refuse to eat junk food. Now I look healthier than before.

⑤As you can see， good living habits help me live a wonderful life.

【亮点分析】

①句写得恰到好处，既承接上句又为开启本文的话题做了铺垫。但是美中不足的是As high school student这句表示有误，可以改为As a high school student。

②句中First of all是过渡性词语，增强了文章的连贯性和可读性。但是句中do sports是动词短语不可作主语，应改为doing sports或to do sports非谓语动词形式作主语。

③句中“make sb adj.”这一句型的运用，表达简洁明了，彰显了作者较强的语言驾驭能力，同时也使本句充满生机，富有活力。

④句写得漂亮，用谚语强调了“科学的饮食习惯有益于身体健康”这一看法，说服力强，表达充分，是本文的一个亮点。

⑤句表达简洁、地道，再次提到好习惯的益处，起到了画龙点睛的作用。As you can see的使用引人注目，富有表达力。

总之，本文结构清晰、主题突出明确、行文连贯、表达顺畅，句式运用娴熟而精确。除去几处小的瑕疵外，不失为一篇好文章。

【经典范文】

Good Living Habits Make Me Healthy

Good living habits and good health are twins. Good living habits can make people healthy. For example， getting enough sleep， having breakfast， and doing exercise every day， these are good living habits. But some bad habits make people feel bad.

I had such an experience， in the past I often went to bed very late at night. So I felt very tired and sleepy the next day. I couldn’t learn well. So my mother ordered me to go to bed before 10 o’clock and little by little， I have formed this habit. Now I feel much better and I can learn well.

From my experience， I know having good living habits is important. And I am going to form more good living habits. I believe I will certainly have good living habits. I will have a strong body to have fun and be happy.