On the Complexities of Motherhood: A Reading List一份书单带你读懂复杂母性

阿夫尼·多希 刘海鸥

One of the first questions readers ask me about my novel， Burnt Sugar， is whether I drew from my own experience to write it. This sometimes troubles me， primarily because I find that writing by women is expected （or required） to draw from a personal story in order to possess authority.

The fact is， I became a mother after I wrote about my main characters pregnancy and struggle with postpartum depression. Writing this novel was a journey into an imaginal space， pushing past the realm of experience to create a container for my fantasies， my nightmares， and my neuroses. It was， in a sense， going beyond what I knew. This required me to expand my capacity for empathy， to imagine my way into a body I did not yet have， a body in flux which was， at the time， fascinating and terrifying to me.

I continue to be fascinated by writing and thinking around motherhood. Here are some of my favorite books on the subject：

Toni Morrison， Beloved

I read this novel as a student and it terrified me and broke my heart. The central question it left in my mind still haunts me： would you choose bondage or death for your child？

Sheila Heti， Motherhood

The best part of Hetis writing is that she comes from a place of complete curi-osity， where nothing is taken for granted and all assumptions are up for questioning. Using a coin toss process that she likens to1 the i-ching， she leaves the answers to her many existential questions about motherhood up to chance—though the experience for the reader is often mystical， revelatory2， and at times very funny.

Jhumpa Lahiri， The Lowlands

I read this book when I was a few drafts into the novel， and besides Lahiris exquisite descriptions of setting， I was struck3 by her depiction of motherhood—withdrawn and ambivalent. Gauri is an intellectual， an activist， but motherhood is role that she wears uneasily.

Deborah Levy， The Cost of Living

Most people assume that Hot Milk was influential for me when I wrote Burnt Sugar， but in fact， I have been more interested in Levys nonfiction. The Cost of Living is about the dissolution4 of Levys marriage， about her working life， but I also saw in it a portrait of motherhood， particularly Levy as a mother to growing daughters. She struggles with how to do everything， to fulfill her roles as writer and nurturer. She also points to the impossibility of finding balance： “If our mother does the things she needs to do in the world， we feel she has abandoned us. It is a miracle she survives our mixed messages， written in societys most poisoned ink. It is enough to drive her mad.”

Rachel Cusk， A Lifes Work

Cusks writing is crisp and keenly intelligent. A Lifes Work goes into the depths of post-partum depression， questioning what indeed， if anything， is natural about motherhood， and there is something sublime5 in watching Cusk map this terror so carefully.

Brit Bennett， The Mothers

This book has transformed the way I think about writing on motherhood. The novel considers motherhood as an absence， as grief， as an unwanted pregnancy. In Bennetts hands， motherhood is layered and complex， embedded in questions of race and community.

Madhuri Vijay， The Far Field

Madhuri Vijay considers how the figure of the mother can loom larger6 in death than in life. A beautiful， haunting book.

Elena Ferrante， The Lost Daughter

In The Lost Daughter， Ferrante uncovers a kind of maternal ambivalence that makes us shudder， mostly because it is so clearly and quietly embedded in the normal， in the decidedly banal. There is no archetypal wickedness to be found in the honesty of her narrator， though she is， as she admits， “not a natural mother.”

Maggie Nelson， The Argonauts

Nelsons book is pitch perfect， the kind of book I would love to write one day. She brings together the intimacy of her own story with myth and theory in a way that is completely convincing and utterly compelling. If the text seems to fragment， its because the pregnant person also does. This book made me rethink what pregnancy is， reframing it as a queering of the body.

关于我的小说《焦糖》，最初收到的读者问题之一是，这部小说是否取材于我自身的经历。这个问题时不时困扰着我。主要是因为我发现，人们期待甚或要求女性作家的作品取材于个人经历，认为这样才能让人信服。

在《焦糖》一书中，我描述了主人公怀孕产子，并与产后抑郁艰难抗争的经历。而事实上，我是在完成这部作品之后才成为一位母亲的。这部小说的创作之旅把我带入想象王国，使我突破经验的界限，为我的幻想、梦魇和神经质寻到了一个容身之所。在某種意义上，这意味着超越了我自身的认知。我必须增强自身的共情能力，在想象中进入不属于我的某个身体，并历经一系列身体变化。在那时，这些变化令我既着迷又恐惧。

我持续沉迷于对“母性”的思考和写作。关于这一主题，我最喜爱的部分书籍如下：

托妮·莫里森的《宠儿》

我在学生时代读到这本小说，读时惊恐不已，唏嘘伤心。当年留在我脑海里的核心问题至今仍困扰着我：如果只能二者择一，你会选择让你的孩子遭受奴役之苦，还是选择扼杀亲生子女的性命？

希拉·赫蒂的《母性》

赫蒂最令人称道之处就是她是那种对各种事物都好奇满满的人。在那里，没有什么是理所当然的，所有假设都有待质疑。她把掷硬币当作周易占卜，以此将自己诸多关乎人类存亡的母性问题交由命运作答——不过，读者在阅读时常常会感到神秘莫测，会获得某种启示，有时还会觉得十分有趣。

裘帕·拉希里的《低地》

当我读到这部小说时，我已写完《焦糖》的最初几稿。除开拉希里对小说场景细致入微的刻画，我深切感受到她对母亲角色的描述——孤独离群又矛盾撕裂。书中主人公高里不仅是一名知识分子，还是社会活动家，却仍然在母亲身份的桎梏下不堪重负。

德博拉·利维的《生活的代价》

大多数人认为，我创作《焦糖》时深受《热牛奶》这部小说的影响。然而，事实上，我对利维的非虚构作品更感兴趣。《生活的代价》讲述了利维婚姻的解体以及她的职场生活。而我却在字里行间读懂了她笔下的母亲，尤其理解利维面对日渐长大的女儿们所承担的母亲职责。她竭力平衡生活的方方面面，履行她作为作家和抚养者的双重角色。利维同时指出，两者之间的平衡很难实现：“如果我们的母亲去做她在世上必须完成的其他事情，我们便会感到她抛弃了我们。母亲能扛住人们褒贬不一的评论是个奇迹，那些评论是用世俗最毒的墨水写就的。这种毒墨水足以使她发疯。”

蕾切尔·卡斯克的《一生的工作》

卡斯克的文字简洁明快、睿智犀利。《一生的工作》一书深入探讨了产后抑郁，质疑到底什么才是天生的母性。卡斯克入木三分地描述了产后抑郁这一恐怖经历，令人叫绝。

布里特·贝内特的《母亲》

这部书改变了我撰写母性主题作品的创作思路。在这部小说里，母性是缺位，是痛苦，是不受期待的怀孕。贝内特笔下的母性层次丰富、复杂难解，根植于种族和群体问题之中。

玛杜丽·维贾伊的《远方的土地》

玛杜丽·维贾伊阐释了母亲的形象如何在死后比在世时更可怖。一部引人入胜又让人胆战心惊的小说。

埃琳娜·费兰特的《失踪的孩子》

在《失踪的孩子》一书中，费兰特将母性的矛盾摆上了台面，触发了大众的不安。主要是由于这个问题如此明显却又不声不响地深藏在社会规约和各种显而易见的陈规旧俗中。尽管本书主人公亲口承认“自己不是一个天生的母亲”，她的诚实也并不意味着她就是坏母亲的原型。

玛吉·纳尔逊的《阿尔戈英雄》

纳尔逊的作品臻至完美，我期待着未来某天我也能写出这样的作品。她将个人的温馨故事与神话传说、学术理论完美交织在一起，让人十分信服，而且很想一口气读完。小说文字看似支离破碎，实则是再现怀孕妇女的窘境。这部小说认为怀孕会对女性身体造成损害，促使我重新思考怀孕这件事。

（译者为“《英语世界》杯”翻译大赛获奖者;单位：成都大学）

1 liken sb/sth to sb/sth认为……与……相像。  2 revelatory启发性的。  3 strike让……觉得。