作文评析

王小柯

【习作要求】

请以My….为题写一篇短文。要求：有时间、地点、人物，字数不少于80个单词。

【学生习作】

My Mothers Birthday

My mother is busy. She always busy works(1). She often forgets her birthday.

Last Sunday was my mothers birthday. I invited several friends to have a birthday party for her.

It was five oclock. Everything was ready. The candles were on the cake. When my mother came back to home (2), she was very surprise (3). She asked, “Whose birthday is it today?” We said, “Happy birthday to you!” She was very happy. At that time Lily gave my mother a nice present and said, “I hope you will like it.” “Thank you. Can I open it now?” my mother asked.

“Certainly.” Lily said. “Oh, its a toy panda. How (4) a beautiful panda!” my mother said.

Meimei asked us, “Would you like singing?”(5)“Yes, we would love,”(6) we said. We all sang with my mother.

That night my mother sang and danced like a little girl. She looked more (7) younger than before.

【名师点评】

本文的小作者开篇就写出母亲的繁忙，为母亲忘了自己的生日和自己为她准备生日晚会做了铺垫，同时也教育了那些为了自己过生日讲究排场的同学，这也是本文的成功之处。另外小作者能够把学过的词汇、语法灵活地运用到本文中去，这也是值得我们学习的，不过还需要在个别词语用法上

多下功夫。

（1）把always busy works改为 is always busy working，因为busy是形容词作表语，“忙于做某事”应该用be busy doing形式来表示。

（2）要把to去掉。 home在此句中是副词，不需要加to。

（3）本句surprise在系动词之后，要把surprise改成 surprised。surprise具有名词、动词词性，其形容词有两个，他们分别是surprised和surprising，其中前者多用来指人，后者多用来指事。

（4）把how改成 what。在感叹句中how是用来修饰形容词或副词的，而what是用来修饰名词的。名词前可以有其他定语，单数可数名词前记住要加上 a或 an。

（5）把singing改成to sing some songs, Would you like…后接动词时要加to。

（6）在love后面加上to。对 “Would you like …?”问句的肯定回答应为would like (love) 后加 to，因为这是口语中动词不定式的省略，也就是说to后面的动词短语省略了。

（7）把more改成much，因为more不能用来修饰比较级。能够用来修饰比较级的有：a little, a bit, much, rather， far和even等。