留学文书写作方法之用择偶标准塑造个人形象

谷约

国外的高校每年都会收到成千上万份来自世界各地的求学申请，其中一份可能就来自你。你在写完这份申请材料之后必须做一件事，就是忘掉自己，把自己想象成该校的一名招生官。设想一下，如果你每天要阅读上百份申请材料，那么你会喜欢或排斥什么样的申请者呢？如果你觉得自己无法扮演招生官这一角色，也不了解他们的想法和喜好，那么请静下心来，用五分钟时间考虑一下这个问题：你在寻觅恋爱对象时，对于对方的人品、相貌、学识、素质、举止、谈吐、物质条件等，是否会有一些期许和要求？你理想中的白马王子或梦中情人是什么样的？相信绝大多数读者都会说出落落大方、幽默感强、真诚、自信等这样的择偶标准，谁也不会说希望自己的另一半是小气、呆板无趣、虚伪、嫉妒心强的人。所以，建议各位申请者在写完留学文书时，试着换位思考一下：如果自己是招生官，会喜欢文书中塑造的这个形象吗？或者，如果你找恋爱对象时，会希望对方是这样的吗？文书中的形象符合你的择偶标准吗？同时，申请者还要注意：不要仅仅描述或列举一些优秀的品质，要用具体的事例做支撑，同时讲述的事例要实事求是，不然就会显得虚假。

案例分析

下面我们通过两个真实案例来谈谈在文书写作中如何塑造出令人喜欢的个人形象。

文书案例1

很多申请者为了表现自己，心里想着往好的方面写，却不顾真实情况，无端夸大，不知不觉中把自己塑造得过于完美，让人感觉虚假。有一位高中生想申请去美国读大学，她在留学文书里说自己领导能力强、乐观、品学兼优、尊敬师长、刻苦耐劳、助人为乐、热心慈善、注重环保……这些没有结合具体事实的自我夸赞之词在文中比比皆是。此外，在文书中她还痛斥了班上的一位女同学，说她喜欢炫富，生活作风不好，抢他人的男友，不尊重师长，说脏话，毫无道德底线等。本来是一篇留学文书她竟写成了一篇“檄文”。显而易见，这位申请者在描述自己时写的都是好的方面，描写别人时都是令人讨厌的方面，想以此来反衬自己的优秀。试问，如果你是招生官，你会喜欢这样一个自我吹嘘，并且恶言中伤同学的学生吗？你会录取她吗？在找恋爱对象时，这位申请者塑造出的个人形象肯定也不符合你的择偶标准吧？

在和这位申请者沟通之后，我们建议她把上述有问题的内容全部删掉，把笔墨集中在自己在环保方面的一段真实经历上，在叙述过程中要坚决杜绝出现“正确的废话”，比如“热心支持环保事业”等这样的句子。把一件事写深入、写透彻，要好过写许多件事但都写得不够深入。另外，我们还要求申请者仔细想想环保活动是否存在不足和可以改进的地方，这件事让她学到了什么，引发了她什么思考，等等。我们发现，当申请者摒弃了“假大空”的语言后，她的文字和形象变得非常真实可信。例文如下所示。

I am an active member of several clubs and organizations， but my association with Greening the Environment （GTE） is the longest. It began in 2010 when I was a high school freshman in Beijing. GTE is a non-profit organization dedicated to environmental protection through arts， education and culture. I joined GTE first as a “Green Hand，” translating documents from Chinese to English and vice versa， then as a volunteer in The Great Green Race and International Volunteer Expo that targeted Beijing students. In 2012， I was given an opportunity that would put my leadership and organizational skills to test. I was assigned to set up a booth （陈列亭） at the INTRO 2012 musical event to 1） promote green garbage disposal， 2） use recycling materials as a means of artistic creation， and 3） recruit new volunteers. I brainstormed with 11 high school volunteers I recruited for the event so that we could agree on our promotional material design， our mission and our agenda. By the time I arrived at the scene on the day of the event， I realized my planning was inadequate as I had not anticipated several surprises： one being that our booth was only 3 × 3 meters， too small to accommodate our own volunteers and displays； the other being that the tattoo booth to our right was already attracting a long line. Even some of my own volunteers walked over to see the tattoo artists in action. That was when I saw the humble （简陋的） booth to our left open its banner showing “Water Conservation” as its mission. I immediately approached the person in charge of the booth and said that since we were both eco-friendly organizations on an uphill battle to attract patronage， it might be a good idea to combine our booths and resources. To my surprise， I did not have to do much to gain an ally. Before long， both teams took advantage of our increased space and created a water pipe in the shape of a dragon by using our recycling materials such as bottles， cardboards， and plastics. We invited onlookers to participate in the decoration of the dragon by matching the categories of garbage with their special designations. Meanwhile， I assigned several volunteers from both teams to talk to people in the long line for the tattoo booth and managed to get many signatures in support of our causes.

All said and done， I met the targets I promised to GTE. Flexibility， a win-win mentality， creativity， and commitment to environmental advocacy： these were the personal qualities that contributed to success. In hindsight， rather than leaving things to chance and last minute scrambling， I could have done more in the planning process to cope with different possible scenarios， I could have done more volunteer training in preparation for the event， and I could have delegated leadership roles to team members based on their skill sets and their interests. I found it beneficial to revisit and recap （重温） the experience.

评析：一个可爱的人首先应该是一个真实的人，有说服力的文字首先应该是真实的文字。请大家注意这篇文章中的斜体单词，它们都是有具体含义且客观性较强的动词，这些动词并不难，有些还很简单，但它们从一个侧面反映出作者所述内容的真实性。此外，这篇文书中还详细、具体地描写了环保活动的各项内容，进一步增加了事件的可信度。最后，申请者总结了此次活动成功的原因和有待改进的地方，这一点比较符合我们在之前几期中所探讨的“低调”原则。一个人懂得反思，能看到自己不足，这本身就是个闪光点。

文书案例2

接下来，我们再来看一个本科生申请去美国读研的个人陈述。这位申请者想要申请就读美国一所名牌大学的公共政策硕士学位。他的个人陈述的主题是“中国的户口政策”，这个主题不错，和公共政策有关。无论是从语言还是内容来说，申请者的这篇文章若经过适当调整和润色，都将是上乘之作。可是在叙述过程中，他一不小心把自己的形象塑造得令人讨厌了。例文如下所示。

I used to be a happy and carefree child， but things changed in 2002 when my father had to relocate to Beijing where he was to teach in a university. I had to say goodbye to my friends and my birthplace and go to Beijing with my parents. I was quite excited about the move. Little did I know that I was in for a big shock.

When I arrived in Beijing， it was mid-November， almost two months late for school. I could either join the sixth grade in primary school or skip the grade and go straight to the middle school. My parents， citing some incomprehensible （难懂的） reason of hukou， a household registration record officially identifying a persons residency in a specific area， insisted that I should skip the primary school. And I did. At first I struggled a little on the academic side， but after a couple of months of adjustment， I caught up with the rest of the class. In fact I moved up to the top by the end of the semester. I did not know whether it was out of jealousy or out of exclusionist big-city attitude toward out-of-towners such as myself， but several of my classmates started laughing at my accent. They would imitate my pronunciation repeatedly and tell me “say again what you just said.” Some of their comments I overheard were downright mean. I was devastated （十分震惊的）. Gradually， I learned to deal with the situation by discriminating those who were merely curious from those who were just mean. I showed the former I did not take offense when they imitated me； I would confront or otherwise ignore the latter. I found as time went on even the latter had lost interest in making fun of me.

评析：在文章开头，申请者开门见山地交代了举家搬迁到北京的原委，之后又描述了因自己是外地人而受到北京同学歧视的情况，清楚、自然地引出了人与人之间存在歧视以及自己如何应对的话题。行文至此，文章没有出现问题。

Then came the time to sit in for my high school qualification exam. I was confident that my score would be good enough to get me into the best high school in Beijing. I never realized until almost too late that not only was there discrimination among individuals， between Beijingers and everybody else from outside Beijing， there was also institutional discrimination against migrant people like my family. This institutional discrimination is none other than （不是别的，正是） the hukou system. One of my teachers told me that I could not apply for the best school of my choice simply because my family domicile （原籍） was not in Beijing. I suddenly realized the reason my parents wanted me to skip primary school was that when a student transitioned from primary school to middle school， the middle school， as a matter of practice， would look into the hukou registration and screen out migrant children. I was furious. What gave people reason to discriminate against me？ My father is no ordinary person. He is a distinguished professor. We would not have moved to Beijing if not for his reputation and stature. Long story short， my anguish was all for naught because my father received his Beijing hukou just in time for my high school application.

评析：本段进一步说明除去个人层面，在政策层面，尤其是户口政策方面，来北京的外地人也受到歧视。“我”差一点被剥夺了考北京重点高中的权利，就是因为没有北京户口。“我”感到愤愤不平，于是发起了牢骚：我爸不是一般人，他是杰出人物，应聘到北京当教授，他们凭什么歧视我？言下之意，我们是精英家庭，不能被歧视，如果是普通民众，你们就可以歧视。本段划线部分暴露了“我”一方面痛恨歧视，向往公平，但另一方面搞特殊化，这样一来，就把“我”之前塑造的形象毁掉了。这样的形象招生官肯定不喜欢，而且就你的择偶标准来说，你也肯定不喜欢这样搞特殊化的人。所以，我们建议申请者把划线部分删掉。

As I entered college， I researched the hukou system， a system I still consider to be extremely unfair. I learned that some efforts have been made by the government to relax the policy， but because system-wide reform has great social and economic consequences， China still has a long way to go before a more equitable and reasonable solution is possible. My interest in political economics and public policymaking stems largely from my childhood encounter with the hukou system.

评析：结尾段从“户口”这个主题自然引申出自己留学的动机，与所申请的专业公共政策紧密结合。删除上一段中的败笔，全文不失为一篇完美的例文。