从一篇作文透析人物类话题的写作技巧

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Just as an old Chinese proverb goes， "Aspire to inspire until I expire！01"

Nelson Mandela， a great hero and giant of a man， tells us by using

his own experience that fortitude in the face of adversity and perseverance on your dream are the golden rules to the success02. To put it another

way around， it is impossible that Nelson Mandela can fulfill his dream to change the world without the courage to embrace unexpected setbacks and challenges03.

Nelson Mandela was born in Transkei， South Africa， on July 18， 1918. His father was Chief Henry Mandela of the Tembu Tribe. Mandela himself was educated at the University College of Fort Hare and the University of Witwatersrand and was awarded a law degree in 1942. He then joined the African National Congress in 1944 and was engaged in resistance against the ruling National Party's apartheid policies after 1948.

Mandela was elected the country's president04 in 1994. He served until 1999. Mandela's autobiography， Long Walk to Freedom， was published in 1994. In his life time， he won nearly 100 awards. In 1993， he was honored with the Nobel Peace Prize， which was to commend05 his contribution to end racial discrimination.

On June 12， 1964， Mandela was sentenced to life imprisonment. From 1964 to 1982， he was incarcerated at Robben Island prison， off Cape Town. Thereafter， he was at Pollsmoor prison， which is on the mainland. During his years in prison， Nelson Mandela's reputation grew steadily. He was widely accepted as the most significant black leader in South Africa and became a potent symbol of resistance the anti-apartheid movement06. He consistently refused to compromise his political position to obtain his freedom.07

Nelson Mandela was released on February 18， 1990. After his release， he plunged himself wholeheartedly into08 his lifetime work， striving to attain the goals he and other like-minded people had set out almost four decades earlier. He once said， "As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom， I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind， I'd still be in prison.09"

In my opinion， it was optimism and courage， as well as the fortitude in the face of unexpected setbacks that were the significant qualities of this great man's road to success10.

提到人物類话题作文，同学们应该并不陌生。若是此时让大家就“对某个具体人物的看法”畅所欲言，相信很多同学脑海里最先冒出来的是一些“高大上”的形容词，或是一些结论性的点评语句，而这些对于写好人物类话题作文还远远不够。事实上，写好人物类话题作文关键在于两点：一是如何形象而又深刻地将这些形容词和句子传达给读者，二是怎样让人物跃然纸上。而关于这两方面，相信大家在读过南京中华中学高三13班陈彦清同学的这篇作文之后会找到一些灵感。

dreams

The Secret of Success

through

01 本文在开篇引用谚语Aspire to inspire until I expire （生命不息，奋斗不止），将文章的主题和文中人物的精神思想以非常精炼的形式传达给了读者，写作手法十分巧妙。

02 此处的success应为泛指，无需添加定冠词the。

03 本句表达不够地道，建议修改为：To put it another way， it would have been impossible for Nelson Mandela to fulfill his dream of changing the world without having the courage to embrace unexpected setbacks and challenges.

04 本句位于段首，建议将句中的the country's president改为president of South Africa，这样不仅能让意思传达得更加清晰、准确，而且也能使句子更地道。

05 这个定语从句用在此处非但没有为文章增色，反而使句子有点冗长、累赘。“为了表扬……”完全可以用短语in commendation for来表达，这样句子既简洁又地道。修改后句子变为：he was honored with the Nobel Peace Prize in commendation for his contribution ...

总评

在本文中，作者以优美而又不失严谨的笔触为我们勾画出了曼德拉总统乐观、勇敢、坚毅的形象。同时，通过精炼的叙事方式，作者以有限的篇幅向读者尽量完整地讲述了曼德拉总统伟大的、无私奉献的一生中的诸多重大事件。更加难能可贵的是，作者在对人物、事件进行客观描述的同时，也兼顾了自己的独立思考和总结。读毕，不论是从文章的整体布局，还是具体词句的使用，我们都不难看出作者扎实、深厚的英文功底和良好的驾驭文字的能力。从整体上看，除个别语句在语法上存在瑕疵，本文实属一篇佳作。

教师简介：

陶凯，北京新东方学校优能中学优秀教师，主讲中考英语，教学经验丰富，曾在北京、山东、河北、辽宁等省市做讲座，面授学员达万余人；曾获“北京新东方学校2013 财年优秀教师”称号。

技巧小结

1

适当使用谚语和名人语录，如文章倒数第二段引用的曼德拉总统的名言：As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom， I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind， I'd still be in prison. 既是文章情节的自然发展，又能从侧面凝练概括地描绘出人物的性格特征，比直接对人物进行描述更有说服力。

2

描写人物时要多用能够体现出人物性格特征的词汇，如optimism、courage、fortitude等，让人物形象更生动。

3

适当使用高级句型，如点评10中的强调句，来丰富表达，为文章增加亮点。

4

透过核心事件刻画人物的重要性格特征，避免机械地堆砌大量形容词或一些结论性的點评语句。

06 本句存在一个语法上的小瑕疵，曼德拉总统应该是“在”反种族隔离运动中成为一个强有力的抵抗代表，因此需在the anti-apartheid movement前添加介词in。

07 本句不论在内容上还是在形式上都使用得非常精彩。作者通过consistently、refuse to compromise等将曼德拉总统不屈不挠的斗争精神和大公无私的奉献精神表达得淋漓尽致。

08 动词短语plunge ... into意为“突然投入到……中”，此处使用不当，建议使用短语devote ... to。

09 此处引用曼德拉总统的经典语录，将人物乐观、宽容、勇敢和坚定的形象更加直观地呈现到读者眼前，让读者真切地感受到曼德拉总统的人格魅力。与此同时，本句也为最后一段作者进行总结和概括全文做了铺垫。

10 这是一个it was ... that ...结构的强调句，作者使用得非常好，不仅在文章结尾处突出了重点，还使文章句式看起来丰富多样，可谓一箭双雕。